I woke up one morning feeling empty. One would think to feel empty is to feel lighter and even relieved. On the contrary, my body felt like a thousand boulders when I got outta bed. I tried to adjust my eyes to the blankness of my existence. With a deep sigh I began what seemed to be an endless humdrum day.

Emptiness is one of the deepest feelings man can experience. It’s a state of hopelessness, helplessness, despair and utter nothingness! All you become at that point is matter— taking space while nothing really matters to you. This has been a life altering moment for a lot of people.

I searched Apple Music for songs with the title ‘Empty’ and I found some, all having similar lyrics. Olivia O’Brien sang: I can’t handle these pressures,

All I can say is, this stress hurts….I wonder if I’m good enough,

Or maybe I’ve just had too much

To drink, to smoke, to swallow.🎵🎵

Another lyrics by Cooliecut went: Woke up feeling empty, I feel empty, yeah, I feel empty (Empty)….Lost in the system, still playing the victim

Born in the world, thinkin’, “Why am I livin'” Stuck in my conscience 🎵🎵

Feeling empty doesn’t have to do with being poor, friendless, or without a lover. In fact, from the Bible, we can see the case where one lady had had 5 lovers but still felt empty and needed filling from the only one who could quench her thirst (John 4:4-18). There’s also the rich guy who came to Jesus to ask how he could have eternal life, but when told he’d have to sell everything he had felt sad (Mark 10:22). So yeah, even the richest feel empty sometimes.

In modern days, we’ve seen people who were most jovial, having loads of friends and full of life but still committed suicides. They most likely got to the point of emptiness- a void and blank existence where nothing matters. Suicides are common when one reaches this point. Some try to numb it by taking drugs and getting high so they don’t feel the low. It’s crazy! Even for me as a believer, I had enough voices tell me I wasn’t good enough to make Heaven. Like everything I did didn’t matter because I wasn’t doing enough. I even had devotionals to remind of that! This in turn eroded my faith, and hope. It felt like there was nothing else to hold onto, nothing to live for, utter nothingness!

I may be one of few or many who would admit to have reached this point in life. A point that goes beyond our routine activities— a point of blackness where a lot of people get lost. As I write this, I’m grateful that I could finally write about it. That I could somehow see the mind games the Devil was playing. I don’t take it for granted though, and I know someone really needs to read this.

It’s not the end. As cliché as that sounds. This isn’t how the story ends. Keep living till that void gives room for all the pieces of sunshine around you —loving family, caring friends, resourceful job, etc. Above all, God is not done with you yet. He still wants you- messed up, broken, barely sober, always high etc. He wants you as you are. I know how tempting it is to just end it all, but that’s not really the end—death is only a portal to an afterlife. So live some more here, give Him your all. And may the peace which passeth all understanding rest in your mind and soul. 💕💕

Song of the day: God’s not done with you by Tauren Wells 🎵🎵

It’s always my desire that you live victorious lives!

Love,

M.