Commuting in Lagos is one of my greatest nightmares about living here. It is a survival of the fittest —literally. The rush into the bus will show you that if you couldn’t get the only one seat left amongst the 10 people clamoring for it, then you weren’t the fittest. And in the slim chance that you do get it, you’d be grinning from ear to ear in victory. But that’s not my story.
One morning, I was at the bus stop trying to get a bus to work, but all the buses going my way only had available seats at the back, and my preferred seating is usually the middle row or front seat(when I’m truly lucky). After turning down at least 3 buses,some of which insulted me for not choosing to take what was available, I began to wonder; is there really a perfect bus?
Do you ever wish God could just take away something you’ve been dealing with? Like a health challenge or a weakness, where you’re just like “Urghh!!! Why can’t I be alright?” Well, sometimes all he says in those situations is “My Grace is sufficient for you” which translated in our parlance would be “Buck up! I’m gonna show out even in what seems to you like a weakness.”
I was mindlessly scrolling through my Instagram timeline when I noticed some posts which were both mood boosters and drainers. I saw one that was like, ‘You have to force yourself to wake up early, you have to take care of your responsibilities, you have to be honest with yourself, you have to evaluate your priorities. Nobody is going to do it for you, these are your goals and dreams. Everything you want starts and ends with you.’ To be honest, I was logged out at the second ‘You have to’. I’m at a point where my entire body is screaming ‘Do I have to? I’m sick and tired of it all!’
As young adults, we often struggle with questions around purpose. What are we here for? What are we supposed to be doing? Why do we feel a void even when things look good on the outside? Why do we change paths when it just doesn’t feel right? What is it about finding purpose that makes us wake up everyday with body aches and all to keep fighting to stay alive?
In a world of over 7 billion people, it is so easy to feel alone. To have that sickening feeling in your gut that no one can see you. No one can understand what you’re going through. No one knows what you’ve done. No one cares to listen to what you’re dealing with. It’s easy to be in a room full of people and still feel alone.
I hope your 2021 hasn’t been feeling like a version 2 of 2020? Who am I kidding, it sorta feels like it. Only this time, we’re more equipped to face it! (Fingers crossed)
I thought about starting a writing challenge this month, but then I remembered how awful I felt when I couldn’t complete the last one. That was until I stumbled on the quote; “No amount of guilt will solve the past and no amount of anxiety will change the future.”
I’m sure that if I asked you to describe the year 2020, a few negative adjectives would pop in. It was turbulent, challenging, tempestuous, damn right difficult, tough, and filled with hurts. We’ve had/seen losses either from the corona virus or from other things. Worst part is that it all happened just at once… so overwhelming!