I hope your 2021 hasn’t been feeling like a version 2 of 2020? Who am I kidding, it sorta feels like it. Only this time, we’re more equipped to face it! (Fingers crossed)
I thought about starting a writing challenge this month, but then I remembered how awful I felt when I couldn’t complete the last one. That was until I stumbled on the quote; “No amount of guilt will solve the past and no amount of anxiety will change the future.”
I’m sure that if I asked you to describe the year 2020, a few negative adjectives would pop in. It was turbulent, challenging, tempestuous, damn right difficult, tough, and filled with hurts. We’ve had/seen losses either from the corona virus or from other things. Worst part is that it all happened just at once… so overwhelming!
You know, like you’re deep in a pit and no one even knows you’re there,
Like the grave is a resting place and life is for the restless,
Like you’re speaking but no one is listening,
Like you’re dying and no one is seeing.
I see you.
I hear you.
And it sucks that you feel this way.
I wish you never did,
I wish your smile never set like the sun,
I wish your laughter didn’t seem like the fading sound of distant waves,
I wish your heart wasn’t hard from all the broken pieces that couldn’t be glued back together.
I wish I could take your pain away,
Absorb the pain like a sponge until you’re free from it,
I wish you didn’t know what it meant to walk under a dark cloud even when the sun was shining overhead,
I wish you didn’t know what it felt like to cry ‘Eli Eli Lama Sabachtani!’
That moment where you begin to question the efficacy of the words ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you,’ while reality screams otherwise.
But you have to feel these things,
For that’s how you’ll know how to comfort others who feel same.
If I hadn’t gone through them, I wouldn’t know what to say to you.
So to answer your question, live or leave? I think it’s best we live ready to leave when our appointment with death comes, as it’s appointed for men once to die, but after this the judgment (Heb 9:27).
So live, my darling! For life is already fleeting as it it seems.
Quick confession: so I challenged myself to write consistently for 30 days. But when I got home from work on Nov 2nd, weak and tired, I knew there was no way I was gonna pull it off. I couldn’t create in a state of fatigue. And then I started feeling bad for letting my blog, my readers and myself down. 😌😌
But hey, it’s day 4 today, and who says I can’t pick up from where I stopped? It so happens that today’s prompt is dear to my heart. I hope you enjoy some of the poems and musings I’ve got right here!
‘Lady High Control Freak’ was the nickname given to me by myself and my friends. I loved to be in control. Heck! I could control how I spoke, what I said, how I sat, how I looked, and how things should go. Or so I thought!
Today I’m missing that part of me that’s more hopeful and childlike. The part of me that still believes there’s more to life, than mere existence. More to impact, than just the accumulation of material gains.
We live in a society where the rite of passage to adulthood includes bagging a degree or more, getting a good job, getting married, and even having kids! It’s like you’re not an adult if you’ve not crossed off one or all of these. And hey, these are not bad! But what I would like to bring to your consciousness is that tiny part of you that longs for something more. That part of you that you may be missing, even without knowing.