Posted in Mental Health Files

When I finally become a therapist…

I’ll fluff those pillows and fill the room with beautiful fragrances and scented candles. I’ll listen to you without judgement in my heart, my voice or my face. You’ll look at me and see love. Love, not because you’re perfect, but love because you’re flawed like I am. Continue reading “When I finally become a therapist…”

Posted in Mental Health Files

How does anyone keep positive in these times?

Hey guys!

More than ever before, I feel like my emotions have been on a rollercoaster. One moment I’m happy and hopeful, the next I’m flat on my back on the floor imagining the Grim reaper’s visit. Okay, maybe not that dramatic, but you get the picture. Lol.

Continue reading “How does anyone keep positive in these times?”

Posted in Mental Health Files

It’s okay not to be okay

Hey guys!

How are y’all coping with the global pandemic and lockdown? Well, for me it’s been crazy. If you’ve been following my blog for a while, you’d know I’m largely introverted and enjoy the four walls of my home. But these days are different. I still wish for the option to go out so I don’t lose my mind. Welps! It’s all for our safety! Continue reading “It’s okay not to be okay”

Posted in 30 days blogging challenge, Poetry

Poetry Collection

Hey guys! So I started February with a writing prompt challenge. Unfortunately I didn’t go through each day as I would have. So thank God for March! Let’s do a prompt marathon! You ready?

Prompt 13- Nothing But Air

As you walked out of the door,

You took with you all of your belongings,

Leaving me with nothing but air…

But sometimes,

Air is all you need to start again.

-m.e. 2020.

Prompt 14- What my body knows

The knife strokes that design my skin,

The injection holes that match my pores,

The blood from the cuts I punish my skin with—

My body knows that some days I love it. On full moons perhaps,

And on other days, it reminds me,

Of all my mistakes,

And no wound is enough to erase it.

-m.e. 2020

Prompt 15- When I close the door

Guard your heart with all diligence…

And so I did.

Closed the door,

Tossed away the key.

For out of it are the issues of life and death…

The battle continues between life and death

I don’t know which is winning.

When I close the door,

I hear voices,

One says choose life and live,

But the other louder one screams death with the voice of my inner demon—Fear.

-m.e. 2020

Prompt 16- Inner Craving

I crave conversations —deep meaningful conversations about life, death, upbringing, fears…

I crave breakfast dates in vintage spaces, while talking about a book, movie or the lyrics of a song that meant something.

I crave a travel buddy, an extra pair of eyes to see the world with me. To see the bewilderment across his face as we come face to face with pure artistry of the Master.

I crave connection; a mix of chemistry and psychology with an ounce of honesty mixed with vulnerability. I crave for something real, tangible, and never to be forgotten. Not even in eternity.

-m.e. 2020

Prompt 17- One Year

I thought this was the year where I lasted one year. But I guess better luck next time is more appropriate.

-m.e. 2020

Prompt 18- Belong to me

You belong to me,

And I to you,

Like two seeds in a pod,

Together we’ll never grow apart.

-m.e. 2020

Prompt 19: The Big Day

The day the groom returns for the bride,

The day the trumpets serenade us,

The day when gravity has no hold on us,

The day when the dead are living,

The day when we’ll finally see face to face,

And this mystery will be no more…

I long for that big day,

Like a bride in her wedding dress longing to see her groom.

-m.e. 2020

Posted in LTTD, Mental Health Files

Live Life at Full Brightness…

I watched the recently released movie, ‘All the Bright Places’ on Netflix. A part of me knew it was gonna break my heart… but I still watched and wept deeply.

The movie tried to depict mental health struggles that people go through in such a captivating way. I could totally relate. I know there are lots of people out there carrying weights from stuff they never talk about.

Here in Nigeria, people still struggle to understand mental health issues. But you don’t have to understand it to be kind. There was this recent gist about a guy who wanted to jump off third mainland bridge because his long-term relationship was over. People have joked about it, and probably said stuff like, ‘That can never be me’. We all have different thresholds for pain. Don’t use your capacity to take more pain to trivialize another whose world may be crumbling.

It scares me… to think, how many people are here, lost, afraid, unsure of who to talk to, unsure of how to turn off the voices in their head—you know, those voices that tell you that you aren’t good enough and no one will miss you when you’re gone. It scares me to think you’re out there, right now, hopeless, in the midst of people yet feeling alone, struggling to cope, while knowing your coping mechanisms are only destroying you… it scares me. It scares me to think about how many people are just one ‘good word’ away from committing suicide.

This year has been such a rollercoaster for me. I’m learning now how to appreciate the night and day, the dark spaces and the light. Most times, the dark can be so overwhelming. Sometimes it feels like my head is under water, and unlike John Legend sang, I’m not breathing fine. I’ve felt numb, blank even… like nothing else matters. Like there’s nothing more. You know?

My own brain to me is the most unaccountable of machinery, always buzzing, humming, soaring, diving and then buried in mud. And then why? What’s this passion for?-Virginia Woolf

After a while the light returns. Just like the day always breaks no matter how dark or long the night has been. In that moment, I realize I was never alone. I had people that genuinely cared. I had God. And even when my faith was barely a mustard seed and I couldn’t see Him through the blur, He was still there.

Photo Credit: 8tracks.com

Why am I telling you all of these? To let you know that you’re never alone. There’s more for you here. Please stay awake. Stay alive.

I feel like we can’t go through another of those terrible times. – Virginia Woolf

Good for you if you can’t relate to any of the things I just wrote. Remember to extend grace and love to those around you going through stuff that may sound trivial to you.

I’ll end with some quotes from the movie. (I didn’t talk much about it so I wouldn’t give you spoilers).

It’s okay to get lost as long as you find your way back.

There are bright places even in dark times. And if there isn’t, you can be that bright place.. with infinite capacities.

-From the movie, ‘All the Bright Places’

It’s always my desire that you live victoriously!

Love,

M.

Posted in 30 days blogging challenge, Poetry

February Prompts – Day 3

Looking for you

The night fell upon me,

It seized every glimmer of light in me,

My joy ceased,

I became a shadow,

Fitting perfectly in the dark.

The night fell upon me,

My words broke down into whispers,

Fear shrouded my little heart,

I prayed for death to seal the deal,

Hope fleeted in the cold wind.

In the darkest of night,

You held my silver tears in your nail pierced hands,

You drew me close even when every one was distant,

You heard my whispers in the dark,

And you answered them.

-Mfon Etuk, 2020

Posted in Inspiration

Messed Up!

Photo Credit: graceandgrind.wordpress.com

“You didn’t just mess up, you are messed up!”

That was the line I heard from a stage play some months back titled ‘NightFood’ as written by Kelvinmary. It was the story of a disabled man and his wife who were torn at the loss of their child. The story went on to show that both of them had committed adultery the same night the child had a convulsion and died. The man was in the next room with his side chic, while the wife was away on a journey with another man. Continue reading “Messed Up!”