Posted in LTTD, Mental Health Files

Live Life at Full Brightness…

I watched the recently released movie, ‘All the Bright Places’ on Netflix. A part of me knew it was gonna break my heart… but I still watched and wept deeply.

The movie tried to depict mental health struggles that people go through in such a captivating way. I could totally relate. I know there are lots of people out there carrying weights from stuff they never talk about.

Here in Nigeria, people still struggle to understand mental health issues. But you don’t have to understand it to be kind. There was this recent gist about a guy who wanted to jump off third mainland bridge because his long-term relationship was over. People have joked about it, and probably said stuff like, ‘That can never be me’. We all have different thresholds for pain. Don’t use your capacity to take more pain to trivialize another whose world may be crumbling.

It scares me… to think, how many people are here, lost, afraid, unsure of who to talk to, unsure of how to turn off the voices in their head—you know, those voices that tell you that you aren’t good enough and no one will miss you when you’re gone. It scares me to think you’re out there, right now, hopeless, in the midst of people yet feeling alone, struggling to cope, while knowing your coping mechanisms are only destroying you… it scares me. It scares me to think about how many people are just one ‘good word’ away from committing suicide.

This year has been such a rollercoaster for me. I’m learning now how to appreciate the night and day, the dark spaces and the light. Most times, the dark can be so overwhelming. Sometimes it feels like my head is under water, and unlike John Legend sang, I’m not breathing fine. I’ve felt numb, blank even… like nothing else matters. Like there’s nothing more. You know?

My own brain to me is the most unaccountable of machinery, always buzzing, humming, soaring, diving and then buried in mud. And then why? What’s this passion for?-Virginia Woolf

After a while the light returns. Just like the day always breaks no matter how dark or long the night has been. In that moment, I realize I was never alone. I had people that genuinely cared. I had God. And even when my faith was barely a mustard seed and I couldn’t see Him through the blur, He was still there.

Photo Credit: 8tracks.com

Why am I telling you all of these? To let you know that you’re never alone. There’s more for you here. Please stay awake. Stay alive.

I feel like we can’t go through another of those terrible times. – Virginia Woolf

Good for you if you can’t relate to any of the things I just wrote. Remember to extend grace and love to those around you going through stuff that may sound trivial to you.

I’ll end with some quotes from the movie. (I didn’t talk much about it so I wouldn’t give you spoilers).

It’s okay to get lost as long as you find your way back.

There are bright places even in dark times. And if there isn’t, you can be that bright place.. with infinite capacities.

-From the movie, ‘All the Bright Places’

It’s always my desire that you live victoriously!

Love,

M.

Posted in LTTD, Poetry

Pain Addict

I’m so addicted to the pain
I don’t know how to live without it
I’m so addicted to the tears
I don’t wear mascara anymore
I’m so addicted to the hurt
It doesn’t hurt anymore

Continue reading “Pain Addict”

Posted in LTTD

Letters to the Depressed 4

 

LTTDThanks for sticking with me from the first letter, to the second, the third and now. I may be writing this to help you but it is helping me more. I think letting things out in the open helps. It makes us know we are not alone. I like listening to NF music because he says all the right things…the things I feel. In his words, ‘this is therapy for me’ 🙂

Depression and loneliness.

Sometimes I think it’s a cause and effect relationship, where depression causes loneliness or is it loneliness that causes depression? I don’t know anymore. Maybe it works both ways. Being lonely often gives room for the depression to invade completely. While being depressed also pretty much drives people away, leaving you lonely.

Isolation.

Isn’t that all the devil wants? To keep you so far from help and fill you with negative thoughts. Suffice it to say loneliness and depression go hand in hand.

Continue reading “Letters to the Depressed 4”

Posted in LTTD

Letters to the Depressed 3

LTTDI know you hurt right now and the last thing you want to hear is that you should stay strong or just shake it off. I know there’s nothing I can say to you that you don’t already know. The worst part is, I know you think no one else understands what you’re going through. But I do, because I’ve been there. Thanks for reading the first and second lettersContinue reading “Letters to the Depressed 3”

Posted in LTTD

Letters to the Depressed 2

If you’re reading this, then you probably read the first letter and you’re back as I asked. Or not. It’s just an assumption. I’ve been trying to write to you. But my cares and worries won’t let me. I’ve been trying to speak to you but my voice is muffled inside. I’ve been trying to reach you, to let you know this too shall pass. Well, it either passes or you pass from it.   Continue reading “Letters to the Depressed 2”

Posted in Inspiration, LTTD

Letters to the Depressed 1

LTTDSo I finally got the courage to write to you. Please read, cause I’m not gonna write you off, like they did. Do you feel intense sadness, hopelessness, emptiness and/or loss of interest in the things you once enjoyed? Do you feel guilty, worthless, absolutely helpless and and/or anxious? Or do you have thoughts of death or suicide quite often? If you said yes to any of these, then I’m writing this for you. Continue reading “Letters to the Depressed 1”