Posted in Mental Health Files, Poetry

Garden of the Mind

Photo Credit: themindgarden.org

Like a garden with fresh flowers,

Her mind bloomed in the spring,

It brought happiness to all who stopped by,

To glean of her youth and wisdom.

Indeed, she was was a sight for sore eyes,

And a soothing voice for broken hearts. Continue reading “Garden of the Mind”

Posted in Mental Health Files

Trapped

Photo Credit: Giphy.com

Trapped.

To be held against one’s will.

But what if it is my will that barged in and handcuffed me?

What if it’s my power to fight and defend myself that has chosen to surrender the white flag and be taken as a prisoner of war?

My mind is a fortress.

But does it keep away evil or does it lock me out from everything good?

These thoughts are everywhere,

They keep coming…

I’m surrounded. Continue reading “Trapped”

Posted in 30 days blogging challenge, Mental Health Files

February Prompts

Happy new month!!!

It’s only January borns that didn’t notice how ‘everlasting’ the month was. I’m pretty sure I lived an entire year in one month. But I’m finally glad it’s over and we can open a new chapter.

Thanks to KerryTosan, I got to see this February prompt post that would help me write more consistently. The topics here are pretty interesting as well. So I hope you’ll join me on this journey all through February!

Prompt 1: Things Unsaid

In the same vein, I can’t explain my interaction with negative words. They’re the kryptonite to every wordsmith. Piercing the heart of creativity until it dries up. To them, it’s just another careless word. But to those with sense 6, it’s a trigger. It snaps. They snap. And they’re gone without a sound.

January was a ticking bomb for me. Can’t tell if it was the month or if I was the bomb. I was drained emotionally and mentally, everything lost it’s meaning—including life. Lots of things remain unsaid as people still grapple with understanding mental health issues. Lots of things remain unsaid as we try to find ourselves. As we struggle to connect with our core and find the meaning of our existence.

Prompt 2: Missing in Action

Suicidal thoughts do not mean you’re weak or averse to pain and hardships in life. It just means you’re trying to find a way to tell the world what’s been going on in your head, by cracking it open. Blood always speaks louder.

To live is one of the rarest things in life, because most people just exist. They barely get by. Hanging on to toxic environments or relationships, taking in all the crap they can take just to make ends meet. While living becomes a burden, and not many survive the travails. So even while we’re here, most of us are still lost in space. All just missing in action.

Thanks for reading!

Lots of love,

M.❤️

Posted in Inspiration

Edge of Reason

I had frozen on my screen again. I had been staring at it for almost 30 minutes and had no clue what the text in the opened Word document read. Hands trembling, heart beating fast, tears struggling to fall, but I quickly wiped them off. No, this wasn’t gonna happen, ‘Blacks don’t crack’. Continue reading “Edge of Reason”

Posted in Inspiration

Living in a Bubble

living-in
Photo Credit: mindwise-groningen.nl

I completed a book I had been stalling for some years now. I don’t know why I stalled so long but the book turned out to be a very good read. It took me away from my current realities into this blissful state where I’d be staring at the characters, knowing what each was thinking and patiently waiting to see the end. I was quickly reminded about the limitations of TV and movies. In a movie, Tom Cruise is the same as I see him and as you do. But in books, a character can be viewed in different ways by different people reading the same book. Continue reading “Living in a Bubble”

Posted in Inspiration

Turn Off the Voices

voice
Photo Credit: cafepress.com

So lately I’ve been trying to hear God’s plans for me. My plans seem to be falling apart day after day and I’m learning to trust the master planner who’s got me figured out. I know God has outstanding plans for me which are of good and not of evil (Jer 29:11). But my over analytical mind wants to know what these plans are and how I can draft my own plans to match up. Continue reading “Turn Off the Voices”

Posted in Featured, Fiction Fridays, Series

The Therapist- Thoughts of the Past

Previously on the therapist…

After too many sleepless nights to count and another appointment with Richard, I struggled to stay awake. I’m not sure how much longer I can keep this up; trying to solve other’s problems when under the surface, I was one giant time bomb ready to explode.

If anyone needs a therapist, it’s me.

It was a sad irony that continued to haunt me. I could solve other’s problems, but I could never seem to fix my own. At the same time, I’m pretty sure it’s this very job that gives me the courage to get out of bed every morning. They say that helping others eases our own pain. I believe this is true.

Today, Richard began to open up about his childhood, which was more difficult than I could have ever imagined. He was abused as a child by parents who were hardly around. He often went to his best friend’s house after school, hoping to escape the pain, but lost his friend to a drunk driving accident at only seventeen. I could only imagine the pain that would come with loosing a friend to a reckless, irresponsible driver who should never have gotten behind the driver’s seat to begin with.

Little by little, I’m beginning to learn his story, and discover the demons of depression and anxiety that he battles on a daily basis.

It seems that so many of our battles start in our youngest years, as our experiences and personalities mix to create the person that we are today. I still remember the day that my dad walked out on us. My mother begged him not to go, as my youngest sister cried. My older brother tried to be aloof, but I found out later that he took it the hardest of all of us.

I suspect that my dad leaving may have something to do with my difficulty in forming relationships. Psychologists have said that we learn through imitating those around us. Without a healthy relationship to imitate, how could I be expected to form one of my own?

I don’t mind it though. The extra time gives me the chance to think and reflect; something that’s almost as essential as breathing to me. There’s a familiarity in the solitude. I know what to expect from it.

The same can’t be said about people.

I often wonder how God creates plans for us when He knows we’re so prone to screw them up. Why does He allow us the privilege of carrying such great responsibility in the midst of our fallen state? How can we be image bearers of God when we can barely keep up our own image?

These are the things that weigh on my mind when I’m alone too long with only my thoughts to keep me company.

I climbed into bed and pulled the sheets over my head, trying to shield myself from the storm that was making it’s way into my mind. There was a time to analyze my life. This wasn’t it.

Now was the time to get some sleep. I have a big day tomorrow with a new patient, in addition to my regular appointments with Richard.

If I wanted to be of any help I would need to be well rested and alert; which meant that I would somehow need to catch up on a week of lost sleep overnight.

When my head hit the pillow, I wasn’t sure I would be able to do it.

The next morning, I came to the realization that I could.

©Courtney Whitaker, 2016

I was so happy to have Courtney help out with the series. It takes a brilliant writer to be able to pick up from where another stopped and run with it! Thanks again Courtney.

Lesson for the day: It doesn’t hurt to ask for help when you need it!

Have a pleasant weekend! xoxo