Posted in Featured, Weekend Extra

Anon.’s Musings:  WHO AM I?

man-staring
Photo credit: Earthsky.org

The name is My Name.

I’m a man. I’m a good man, I think I am. Yeah, I should be. I try to be a good person. And I hope with God’s grace I will be. I live a calm and happy life. Calm in the way that I like it. Comfortable enough for me. Yeah, a good life. I want the good things of life; yeah I do, who doesn’t? While trying not to cross over to the other side- lust. I pray for Grace.

I want to make the whole world a better place, and I believe I’m working towards it, with grace on my side; a whole lot of her, LOL. I think I just wrote down ‘LOL’ for the first time in my life on paper. I have a grin on my face right now mehnContinue reading “Anon.’s Musings:  WHO AM I?”

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Posted in Featured, Fiction Fridays, Series

The Therapist- Thoughts of the Past

Previously on the therapist…

After too many sleepless nights to count and another appointment with Richard, I struggled to stay awake. I’m not sure how much longer I can keep this up; trying to solve other’s problems when under the surface, I was one giant time bomb ready to explode.

If anyone needs a therapist, it’s me.

It was a sad irony that continued to haunt me. I could solve other’s problems, but I could never seem to fix my own. At the same time, I’m pretty sure it’s this very job that gives me the courage to get out of bed every morning. They say that helping others eases our own pain. I believe this is true.

Today, Richard began to open up about his childhood, which was more difficult than I could have ever imagined. He was abused as a child by parents who were hardly around. He often went to his best friend’s house after school, hoping to escape the pain, but lost his friend to a drunk driving accident at only seventeen. I could only imagine the pain that would come with loosing a friend to a reckless, irresponsible driver who should never have gotten behind the driver’s seat to begin with.

Little by little, I’m beginning to learn his story, and discover the demons of depression and anxiety that he battles on a daily basis.

It seems that so many of our battles start in our youngest years, as our experiences and personalities mix to create the person that we are today. I still remember the day that my dad walked out on us. My mother begged him not to go, as my youngest sister cried. My older brother tried to be aloof, but I found out later that he took it the hardest of all of us.

I suspect that my dad leaving may have something to do with my difficulty in forming relationships. Psychologists have said that we learn through imitating those around us. Without a healthy relationship to imitate, how could I be expected to form one of my own?

I don’t mind it though. The extra time gives me the chance to think and reflect; something that’s almost as essential as breathing to me. There’s a familiarity in the solitude. I know what to expect from it.

The same can’t be said about people.

I often wonder how God creates plans for us when He knows we’re so prone to screw them up. Why does He allow us the privilege of carrying such great responsibility in the midst of our fallen state? How can we be image bearers of God when we can barely keep up our own image?

These are the things that weigh on my mind when I’m alone too long with only my thoughts to keep me company.

I climbed into bed and pulled the sheets over my head, trying to shield myself from the storm that was making it’s way into my mind. There was a time to analyze my life. This wasn’t it.

Now was the time to get some sleep. I have a big day tomorrow with a new patient, in addition to my regular appointments with Richard.

If I wanted to be of any help I would need to be well rested and alert; which meant that I would somehow need to catch up on a week of lost sleep overnight.

When my head hit the pillow, I wasn’t sure I would be able to do it.

The next morning, I came to the realization that I could.

©Courtney Whitaker, 2016

I was so happy to have Courtney help out with the series. It takes a brilliant writer to be able to pick up from where another stopped and run with it! Thanks again Courtney.

Lesson for the day: It doesn’t hurt to ask for help when you need it!

Have a pleasant weekend! xoxo

Posted in Inspiration, live series

M’s Musings: Of Adulting

adult
Photo Credit: doneadulting.com

So I’ve been talking about the adult thing for some time with a couple of friends. Friends who are pretty new to the adult thing like me. I still have a lot of questions to ask. Like at what age does one really become an adult? 18? 21? When you become independent? When you get married? What even makes an adult? My dictionary defines adult as a fully developed person from maturity onward. Are the people we refer to as adults fully developed really? Or is it just the developed physical attributes we refer to?

If adulthood begins at 18, then I’ve swam in the pool of uncertainty for about 5 years. But I think the African culture recognises adults from 21, so that’s a bit more relieving that I’ve had 2 years of being uncertain about the adult thing. To be honest, I find adulthood a tad scary. It’s kinda like you suddenly become responsible for yourself. Parents withdraw monthly allowances, you become very vulnerable to the law, and you’re left to figure out life with no one to walk you through it. There’s really no dress rehearsal for adulthood, it’s almost like it just comes on you. Phew! Beads of sweat are trickling down my face as I try to analyse this.

adulting
Photo Credit: knowyourmeme.com

I still remember how much I wanted to grow up when I was a kid. I just wanted the perks of independence that came with being an adult. But now that I am, I’m almost wishing I could go back. So now you get to make your decisions knowing fully well you’re responsible for them. It’s no surprise my mind is in a constant state of busyness as I try to weigh every thought, every decision, every word on the pros/cons list. The need for perfection almost drives me insane. It’s overwhelming! I’m not done making decisions for myself and you’re telling me someday I’ll be a mom and would have to make decisions for my kids and family. Gee! Wouldn’t that drive me to insanity?

‘M, take one step at a time. Just breathe.’ You may say. But I’ll give you a thousand decisions I’m yet to make; a thousand thoughts fighting for prominence.

Does anyone really figure out the adult thing? Are there rules that guide everyone? For someone like me who loves rules, are there rules to follow? Within my short time of ‘adulting’, I’ve seen those who don’t play by the rules and it works great for them. And those who abide by the rules are called safe and boring. It’s all confusing!

Barr_ Uchechi E__399948

Yeah sure there are adults who have gone before you and can teach you the ropes. But can your life really be tailored in the same way your mom’s was? Do the same rules still apply? Okay, I really need to hear what you guys have to say about this. I really want to learn from your thoughts and experiences. Thanks!😊

daintym

Posted in A-Z Blogging Challenge 2016, Awards and Challenges

When Living is Dying

water2
Photo Credit: nabilahanisa.blogspot.com

What is living when living is dying? 

I’m dying everyday 

I’m dying with every wake 

I’m dying with every breath 

I’m a dead man walking 

My body moves but my soul shuts down 

It dies within me 

My body moves  

Controlled by external forces 

Forces that move me  

To the right or left 

Without caring about 

How I feel 

What is living? 

When living is dying? 

Please put me out of my misery. 

  

They say as long as there’s life 

There’s hope 

But when hope is lost 

Can one be termed dead? 

  

I want to stop time 

Just so I don’t go through the same routine 

I wish the brakes of the bus 

Will push pause on my life 

Bringing it to a stop 

  

I want to live 

I want to smile 

I want to be happy I’m alive 

I want to live and not die 

But what is living 

When living is dying? 

©Mfon Etuk, 2016 

 W

Posted in A-Z Blogging Challenge 2016, Awards and Challenges

Just Friends

Hi guys!

It’s day 10 of the A-Z blogging challenge! *whispers* I think April is really slow 😖  J

So yeah, I’ve always wanted to write about the ‘dreadful’ friend zone but I’ve been unable to pull my thoughts together for a while.

What is it about the friend zone that makes it so dreadful? In order not to assume everyone knows what the term means, here is what it means;

Friend zone: this is when a person develops romantic feelings for someone, but the other person only sees the relationship as just being friends- Urban Dictionary

I usually joke and tell my friends my ‘friend zone’ is like a car park with different floors. The higher the level of zoning, the harder it can lead to anything. Lol.

frienship level
Photo credit: giphy.com

I’ve zoned and I have been zoned. Can I get a witness? 😃 However, it’s one thing to zone and say ‘hey, I’m sorry I don’t feel the way you do, can we just be friends?’ And it’s another thing to be on the receiving end. Maybe he knows you have a crush on him but he rather throws the line ‘we are just friends‘. Just friends?! Are you kidding?  (that’s my expression right there- picture below)friends

I don’t like the phrase ‘just friends’. Come on! Being my friend is not ‘just’. It takes a whole lot of persistence and endurance! To be there when your friend needs you. To love them even when you don’t feel like… To be honest, I’m not a pro in the friendship world but I’m really grateful to all who have taught me how to be a better friend.

I saw this picture (below) a while back on Instagram and I could totally relate! There’s nothing as sweet as seeing a good looking brother, witty with a good sense of humor that also fears the Lord and worships Him in total abandon *already daydreaming* But there is also nothing as sad as being ‘friend zoned’ by ‘the one’ *sobs*new church

 

But this right here hit me so hard and changed my perspective (picture below):ready

I couldn’t agree more with this! Be friends until you are ready. Besides, not all the people we meet in life are ‘the one’ or even meant to be dated. Some even call this testing the waters. Hello! You only get to marry one person, so what’s the need of having complicated feelings for everyone you come across? *reality check hun*

I know I have my thoughts scattered everywhere in this post but I’ll wrap up with this; there is nothing wrong in being just friends. Stay friends until you’re ready. Stay friends until you’re certain he/she is really ‘the one’. And when it doesn’t work out, still stay friends. Good friends are hard to find so cherish the ones you have!

Got any funny/sad friend zone stories where you zoned or were zoned to share? Please share! 😀

Lots of love,

daintym

Posted in Inspiration

FOCUS

focus-daintymI had one of those weeks when I couldn’t come up with anything to post on the blog. And I began to freak out because I made a commitment to post every Sunday this year-it’s way too early to start derailing. In one of my devotionals, I read about focusing on God and I was pretty psyched to try it out. I stared into the blank wall for a while with my thoughts saying; ‘Dear God, I’m here, focusing on you. Say something.’ My mind interprets everything in terms of images, so even when I’m trying to focus on God, my mind starts conjuring images of what He looks like and how He’s towering down on me and giving me a hard stare.  After staring at the blank wall for what seemed like an hour, I had successfully made plans on what to wear the next week, what to eat over the weekend, calls I needed to make and emails I had to reply… I even made a budget for the next month! When I was done ‘focusing on God’ I went back to other things.

Clearly I hadn’t ‘focused on God’. Rather, I spent thirty minutes mapping out plans. It’s not my fault! I just love making plans and strictly sticking to them (yeah, I know I sound really structured-I get that a lot). But God also loves making plans! He already drafted the plans for my life and yours long before we were born. What interests me is how God works out the plan in a fun way. Yeah we drift (mostly because we don’t even know the plans) but He still finds His way around. If a piece of my plan were to fall out, I’d freak out! My mind would begin summersaulting. But God doesn’t freak out even when we leave the right lane and start living another person’s life! How does He do that?

Well, He doesn’t want us to freak out about our plans. That’s why He said ‘don’t worry about your life, what you will eat, what you will wear…’ (Matt 6:25) Funny how these are the foundation stones for every other thing we worry our little minds about. You tell me not to be anxious and I find myself wondering why you said so-maybe something bad is about to happen-OMG! What is it? :O I get so wrapped up in my mind; I just want to scream ‘GET ME OUTTA MY MIND!!!’

Even though God has said we shouldn’t worry, I find myself doing so and it’s exhausting. So yeah, I’m going to focus on God. Because if He’s said I shouldn’t worry, He definitely has a plan. It’s okay if I don’t know everything, but I’m gonna trust Him to reveal each piece of the puzzle till I see the big picture. Hey! Some of the pieces won’t make any sense, but just trust Him 🙂

So here’s something I found about that verse that talked about not worrying and stuff. He’s like, I know you need to fill your mind with stuff, why not fill it with the kingdom?(Matt 6:33) Oh yeah, that can make you wrinkle your little nose all you want but seeking the kingdom first is the key to every other thing you want in life! I’d probably do a whole new post on that. But for this week and through the new month, I want to challenge you to focus on God and pursue the things that please Him; especially as regards promoting the kingdom.

In case you’re lost for how to do so, here are a few things you could do;

-Pray for others 🙏🙏

-Give to God and give others 😀

-Tell others of God’s love ❤❤

-Help out in your church 🙂

This is a sketchy list but I hope to make a more robust post on this! But I welcome other ideas on how to seek the Kingdom in the comment box 😀

Thanks for reading! Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section and do share with friends! God bless you!

Much love! ❤ ❤

©Mfon Etuk, 2016