Posted in Inspiration, Mental Health Files

Live or Leave

Photo Credit: Pexels

I never want you to feel this way,

You know, like you’re deep in a pit and no one even knows you’re there,

Like the grave is a resting place and life is for the restless,

Like you’re speaking but no one is listening,

Like you’re dying and no one is seeing.

I see you.

I hear you.

And it sucks that you feel this way.

I wish you never did,

I wish your smile never set like the sun,

I wish your laughter didn’t seem like the fading sound of distant waves,

I wish your heart wasn’t hard from all the broken pieces that couldn’t be glued back together.

I wish I could take your pain away,

Absorb the pain like a sponge until you’re free from it,

I wish you didn’t know what it meant to walk under a dark cloud even when the sun was shining overhead,

I wish you didn’t know what it felt like to cry ‘Eli Eli Lama Sabachtani!’

That moment where you begin to question the efficacy of the words ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you,’ while reality screams otherwise.

But you have to feel these things,

For that’s how you’ll know how to comfort others who feel same.

If I hadn’t gone through them, I wouldn’t know what to say to you.

So to answer your question, live or leave? I think it’s best we live ready to leave when our appointment with death comes, as it’s appointed for men once to die, but after this the judgment (Heb 9:27).

So live, my darling! For life is already fleeting as it it seems.

Love,

M.❤️

Posted in LTTD

Letters to the Depressed 4

 

LTTDThanks for sticking with me from the first letter, to the second, the third and now. I may be writing this to help you but it is helping me more. I think letting things out in the open helps. It makes us know we are not alone. I like listening to NF music because he says all the right things…the things I feel. In his words, ‘this is therapy for me’ 🙂

Depression and loneliness.

Sometimes I think it’s a cause and effect relationship, where depression causes loneliness or is it loneliness that causes depression? I don’t know anymore. Maybe it works both ways. Being lonely often gives room for the depression to invade completely. While being depressed also pretty much drives people away, leaving you lonely.

Isolation.

Isn’t that all the devil wants? To keep you so far from help and fill you with negative thoughts. Suffice it to say loneliness and depression go hand in hand.

Continue reading “Letters to the Depressed 4”

Posted in Inspiration

Joy

Joy! That should be something really happy and exciting right? Something that makes you lift your hands in praise when things aren’t going well. When you’ve lost someone dear or a job you found security in. Joy! That makes you laugh when the economy is receding faster than your hairline when you’re aging. Joy! That makes you love those you know hate you. Joy! That makes your heart merry even when the night tarries. Joy!

Continue reading “Joy”

Posted in LTTD

Letters to the Depressed 3

LTTDI know you hurt right now and the last thing you want to hear is that you should stay strong or just shake it off. I know there’s nothing I can say to you that you don’t already know. The worst part is, I know you think no one else understands what you’re going through. But I do, because I’ve been there. Thanks for reading the first and second lettersContinue reading “Letters to the Depressed 3”

Posted in Inspiration, LTTD

Letters to the Depressed 1

LTTDSo I finally got the courage to write to you. Please read, cause I’m not gonna write you off, like they did. Do you feel intense sadness, hopelessness, emptiness and/or loss of interest in the things you once enjoyed? Do you feel guilty, worthless, absolutely helpless and and/or anxious? Or do you have thoughts of death or suicide quite often? If you said yes to any of these, then I’m writing this for you. Continue reading “Letters to the Depressed 1”

Posted in Poetry

Dark Clouds

The clouds turn dark when it’s about to rain 

The soil closes up the seed when it’s about to grow 

The night gets darker when the day is about to break 

A pregnant woman travails when she’s about to bring forth  

Pain before pleasure 

Labor before reward 

Darkness before light 

So why do you despair 

Oh my soul? 

This darkness you see 

Is for a while 

This pain you feel 

Won’t last forever 

Behold! 

Pregnant clouds give birth to rain 

Pregnant women give birth to babies 

Though you travail 

You will surely bring forth 

Though the storm rages 

You will find still waters 

Oh my soul 

Don’t give up! 

Get up! 

Get going! 

For the light is about to break forth 

This darkness is but for a while  

©Mfon Etuk, 2016

Posted in A-Z Blogging Challenge 2016, Awards and Challenges

When Living is Dying

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Photo Credit: nabilahanisa.blogspot.com

What is living when living is dying? 

I’m dying everyday 

I’m dying with every wake 

I’m dying with every breath 

I’m a dead man walking 

My body moves but my soul shuts down 

It dies within me 

My body moves  

Controlled by external forces 

Forces that move me  

To the right or left 

Without caring about 

How I feel 

What is living? 

When living is dying? 

Please put me out of my misery. 

  

They say as long as there’s life 

There’s hope 

But when hope is lost 

Can one be termed dead? 

  

I want to stop time 

Just so I don’t go through the same routine 

I wish the brakes of the bus 

Will push pause on my life 

Bringing it to a stop 

  

I want to live 

I want to smile 

I want to be happy I’m alive 

I want to live and not die 

But what is living 

When living is dying? 

©Mfon Etuk, 2016 

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