Posted in Inspiration, live series

M’s Musings: Of Adulting

adult
Photo Credit: doneadulting.com

So I’ve been talking about the adult thing for some time with a couple of friends. Friends who are pretty new to the adult thing like me. I still have a lot of questions to ask. Like at what age does one really become an adult? 18? 21? When you become independent? When you get married? What even makes an adult? My dictionary defines adult as a fully developed person from maturity onward. Are the people we refer to as adults fully developed really? Or is it just the developed physical attributes we refer to?

If adulthood begins at 18, then I’ve swam in the pool of uncertainty for about 5 years. But I think the African culture recognises adults from 21, so that’s a bit more relieving that I’ve had 2 years of being uncertain about the adult thing. To be honest, I find adulthood a tad scary. It’s kinda like you suddenly become responsible for yourself. Parents withdraw monthly allowances, you become very vulnerable to the law, and you’re left to figure out life with no one to walk you through it. There’s really no dress rehearsal for adulthood, it’s almost like it just comes on you. Phew! Beads of sweat are trickling down my face as I try to analyse this.

adulting
Photo Credit: knowyourmeme.com

I still remember how much I wanted to grow up when I was a kid. I just wanted the perks of independence that came with being an adult. But now that I am, I’m almost wishing I could go back. So now you get to make your decisions knowing fully well you’re responsible for them. It’s no surprise my mind is in a constant state of busyness as I try to weigh every thought, every decision, every word on the pros/cons list. The need for perfection almost drives me insane. It’s overwhelming! I’m not done making decisions for myself and you’re telling me someday I’ll be a mom and would have to make decisions for my kids and family. Gee! Wouldn’t that drive me to insanity?

‘M, take one step at a time. Just breathe.’ You may say. But I’ll give you a thousand decisions I’m yet to make; a thousand thoughts fighting for prominence.

Does anyone really figure out the adult thing? Are there rules that guide everyone? For someone like me who loves rules, are there rules to follow? Within my short time of ‘adulting’, I’ve seen those who don’t play by the rules and it works great for them. And those who abide by the rules are called safe and boring. It’s all confusing!

Barr_ Uchechi E__399948

Yeah sure there are adults who have gone before you and can teach you the ropes. But can your life really be tailored in the same way your mom’s was? Do the same rules still apply? Okay, I really need to hear what you guys have to say about this. I really want to learn from your thoughts and experiences. Thanks!😊

daintym

Posted in Fiction Fridays

Rachel’s Musings: of Friends and Lovers

Stay with me. That was the last thing I said. Stay with me, was the last song that played before the lights went off and the gloom returned. He couldn’t even fight for us. He called me today though- I should probably be happy. I mean, I’m in a good place aren’t I? Then why is my heart beating faster? Why am I sweating when the AC is down sixteen degrees?

He said I was still his love even though things weren’t working out well for us. All I could do was let out a wry smile. I mean, ‘yeah right!’

I haven’t had any success stories when it comes to love. Maybe I make a monster out of them. I don’t know. I think I’ve given up on trying to figure out these things. I don’t know the happy version of the love story. I only know the sad tales with the broken hearts that live happily never after. Now when I’m going into a relationship, I go with the thought of the end in mind. But it’s funny how no matter how prepared I am for the end, my heart still aches differently when it is over. I’m sure if it were possible, Dex would hand me the box of tissues and sad playlists whenever one ended. Because he knows this. His thick fur has absorbed most of my tears. But it’s fine.

I’m thinking of traveling again. Maybe a bit of Indian spiced dishes will give me a different reason for the tears that seamlessly fall down my made up face. Oh yes, I finally learnt the art of making up. I’m still too laid back to do it every day but oh well! I learnt something new. Thanks YouTube!

From the makeup, you probably guessed there’s something special about today. Yeah, it’s my birthday. Every birthday since we became friends, Austin sends shoes. Well the first order he tried got mixed up but soon it became a ritual. I was sure I would get a new pair of shoes every birthday. And a note with the address for our dinner date where I’d wear the shoe to, of course.

I’m a little anxious today though. Considering what happened a couple of months back. I had gotten into a relationship with this morning’s caller. His name? Call him Drake. Not because he is my favourite musician but because his beards are so well carved. I think I like guys in the beard gang. Focus. So yeah I started dating Drake and the awful day came when I had to tell Austin. I think it broke him. He withdrew and stayed for days without chatting with me. Funny though, I and Drake couldn’t work out.

Friendship.

How do you know those guys who should just be friends? I think Drake and I made for good friends with no romantic undertone. And Austin? He has always been my friend! I mean how do you lose a friend by festering feelings that may lead nowhere?

friends and lovers
Photo Credit: quotesgram.com

I don’t have many friends. Maybe because I am not friendly enough. Oh no, that’s not the case. I am friendly and make friends easily. Sustainability. Now that’s the issue. I don’t know how to sustain such friendships. No wonder why I can’t sustain romantic relationships either.

My musings come alive when it’s raining. I want some hot chocolate and waffles. Unfortunately, I can’t have that now. I would opt for some fries but the merchants are not out yet.

The weather is comforting. Well except the mud I have to paddle through. I pray my birthday turns out well. But these days I don’t care so much for birthdays. I’m 29 already. Getting old. I should have a kid by now. Chuckles.

Kids.

They are cute when little and obedient. But soon they become little monsters running around the house. I would know this because I watched my niece grow. So adorable! Yet mischievous.

So back to the friendship thing. My mind finds it hard to understand it. I make friends with the hope that he’s the one. But soon enough I find out he isn’t and I stash them with the remaining trophies on the friendship shelf. More like a new pair of shoes to my already robust collection.

Is it wrong to date friends? Is it right to friend zone potentials? You can only have one ‘the one ‘ right? Sighs. I don’t want to be greedy. I’m known for eating my cake and having it. But I mean, I could just take a tiny bite and keep the rest.

So instead of hot chocolate for the weather, I’m having iced lemonade. At least the cold matches the cold in my heart. And the sour taste, that’s just the taste of all my broken relationships and sour friendships.

I hope Austin sends my birthday gift. Not like I need a new pair, but I just need to know he still values our friendship. It’s okay if he doesn’t. I will be fine. I never told him I broke up with Drake. Just so he wouldn’t ask me out and receive an inevitable no. If only friends will just be friends. Sighs.

It’s still raining. I need to go out. I hate being grounded. Hopefully I should be up in the air next week. India will do me good. I believe. Come away with me.

©Mfon Etuk, 2016.

Posted in Fiction Fridays

Rachel’s Musings- Greece

This story isn’t over, was the last thing I said and meant. It rained again today. But this time I was too weary to write. I ponder on a lot of things. And this time the difference between love and hate. I’m a hopeless romantic- you probably knew that already. Even though I constantly conceal that with a tough exterior. But I can’t lie to myself- even if I lie to others.

So yes I took the trip. And I met someone. We connected within a couple of days and just couldn’t get by without talking. He was eccentric- like me- and I liked him. He is an artiste. Sings for a living. To be honest, I don’t see the job security in that as there are a million other artistes around. Well, who am I to judge? I travel for a living. That’s as insecure as a job can get. Not a job, more like my life. But that’s okay.

He was sweet. His smile was full of radiance like the sun rising from the East over soft blue skies. He was spontaneous. He had this cheerful demeanor and his eyes pierced through the soul.Oh and yes he writes songs. He wrote one for me while we were in Greece and I loved it.

We toured the beautiful streets of Greece hands entwined. He made me laugh a lot more than I can remember doing. maybe I just needed a reason to laugh away my pain. He wasn’t into food and would pass on the traditional meals I was crazy about. I should probably write on the confessions of a foodie as I am one myself. 

Greece was a time of refreshing and he definitely made it worth it.

So are we together? You may ask.

No. Sadly.

He is married.

Found his ring in his guitar case. Of course I asked about it and then he stuttered a bit before explaining how he was having issues with his wife and needed to take a break. Sighs.

Marriage.

Isn’t it crazy how two people who couldn’t get their hands off each other while dating turn out to be two strangers who can’t stand being together in the same room?

Love and hate, such a thin line in between! One day you’re professing your deep undying love for her. The next, you shout hate words and stomp away never to look back.

It’s mind boggling! I once had someone declare his affectionate love for me. Called me all the sweet names in the book. But in the blink of an eye it was all over, and it was like nothing ever happened. The love words were gone. The sweet names, gone. It was as though nothing ever existed. Call me disillusioned.

How thin is the line between love and hate that people easily drift in and out of? Where does the passion all go to?

Love for me is a dream. It’s either I sleep on till death or I wake up and it’s gone. But not everyone likes sleep. Some people just have to wake us back to reality. Rather unfortunate, if you ask me. I wish we could love and not hate. But in reality, I believe more in hate than love. It surprises me when people say they are in love. Maybe I’m just being cynical. But it works fine for me.

greece
Photo Credit: Pinterest.com

Greece was great. His name was George. And no he didn’t use the second ticket I had. I’ll probably use it some other time. But for now, I’m all set to go back home.

The weather is beautiful. The birds are chirping away. I waved at him one last time from the window of the cab, heading towards the airport. My heart is still a mess. But I’ll be fine. This story isn’t over yet. Stay with me.

©Mfon Etuk, 2016

Posted in Fiction Fridays

Rachel’s Musings-In a Good Place

So I’m starting a new category called the Fiction Fridays and I hope to be posting fiction stories every Friday. This is intended to help me work more on my fictional writing skills as well keep you entertained! This doesn’t interrupt the usual Sunday posts though. Thanks for your support and encouragement as always! ❤  ❤  Fiction fridays

Here is today’s post!

************

I’m in a good place. Well, who wouldn’t be while taking in the breath after a fresh rain? I’m sitting in a yoga position, staring out of the window while listening to the birds chirp away. It’s still drizzling outside. I snuggle closer to Dex, my big fluffy bear.

I’m in a good place. This time it has nothing to do with the cozy weather or the weekend that is almost over. I’m in a good place in my heart. I don’t feel it beating as much as it used to when I see him or hear his name. Yesterday he got married. I was there. And I cried. Not because I was particularly happy for him. But because it would have been me. But it wasn’t.

I’m no longer sad.  I know I played my cards wrongly. Well, when I make love a game, I lose. But when I don’t care, I get more than I bargain for.

Puzzles.

I never liked them. Now I wonder if I’m just writing because the weather is beckoning to my artistic side like a groom beckons his bride? Is that why I always wanted to travel?

Traveling.

He sure wanted to make me his bride but that felt like clipping my wings. He didn’t want a wife who would scarcely be around. But I didn’t want to stay in either. I’m an explorer, call me Dora- or better still, Ford. As in Ford Explorer. The next car I intend to get before sojourning in Kenya.

Home doesn’t feel any different. If that’s what I can call this place. The place where it all began. Out on the cottage on a rainy day. He covered my hair with his shirt, while keeping me company as I waited for my mom who forgot to leave the keys out for me. We talked, we laughed, and we loved. Or so I thought.

I’ve never really gotten the concept of love. One minute you’re in love. The next, you hate them. I mean, isn’t there middle grounds somehow? Or is it all lust? Well, in that case, I lusted after his intellect, got teased by his wit and dived into his mind’s depth. It was never about the physicals-don’t get me wrong, he was good looking. But that wasn’t the main attraction.

We connected. Like a phone to a familiar WiFi. Once I had the password, I never had to retype it. We automatically synchronized. Now I sound as though I’m not over him. But I am! Lies I tell myself.

Sigh.

The tea kettle is whistling in the kitchen. I need to go get a napkin before I get burnt-again. Reminds me of that fateful winter night in Roehampton. We were both reading for our examinations. I was cold and needed some tea. I picked the kettle without a napkin and got burnt. Stupid me! He smiled while treating the injury with some items from the first aid box. His medical degree always came in handy as I was accident prone. Call me clumsy. As in one of the smurfs.

girl
Photo Credit: Pinterest.com

What am I doing? Going round in circles as I always do. Circled round Africa the last year and lost my love in the process. Only saw him on the weekends. Half of which he was working. It’s no surprise he married his colleague. I don’t really care about that. I guess.

7 years down the drain. But I’m good. Flushed the memory. I’m fine.

I wish him a happy life with whatever her name is. I’ll move on. Besides I’ve got two tickets to Greece. One was for him. But it’s okay. There’ll always be another one. This story isn’t over.

©Mfon Etuk, 2016

Posted in A-Z Blogging Challenge 2016, Awards and Challenges

Just Friends

Hi guys!

It’s day 10 of the A-Z blogging challenge! *whispers* I think April is really slow 😖  J

So yeah, I’ve always wanted to write about the ‘dreadful’ friend zone but I’ve been unable to pull my thoughts together for a while.

What is it about the friend zone that makes it so dreadful? In order not to assume everyone knows what the term means, here is what it means;

Friend zone: this is when a person develops romantic feelings for someone, but the other person only sees the relationship as just being friends- Urban Dictionary

I usually joke and tell my friends my ‘friend zone’ is like a car park with different floors. The higher the level of zoning, the harder it can lead to anything. Lol.

frienship level
Photo credit: giphy.com

I’ve zoned and I have been zoned. Can I get a witness? 😃 However, it’s one thing to zone and say ‘hey, I’m sorry I don’t feel the way you do, can we just be friends?’ And it’s another thing to be on the receiving end. Maybe he knows you have a crush on him but he rather throws the line ‘we are just friends‘. Just friends?! Are you kidding?  (that’s my expression right there- picture below)friends

I don’t like the phrase ‘just friends’. Come on! Being my friend is not ‘just’. It takes a whole lot of persistence and endurance! To be there when your friend needs you. To love them even when you don’t feel like… To be honest, I’m not a pro in the friendship world but I’m really grateful to all who have taught me how to be a better friend.

I saw this picture (below) a while back on Instagram and I could totally relate! There’s nothing as sweet as seeing a good looking brother, witty with a good sense of humor that also fears the Lord and worships Him in total abandon *already daydreaming* But there is also nothing as sad as being ‘friend zoned’ by ‘the one’ *sobs*new church

 

But this right here hit me so hard and changed my perspective (picture below):ready

I couldn’t agree more with this! Be friends until you are ready. Besides, not all the people we meet in life are ‘the one’ or even meant to be dated. Some even call this testing the waters. Hello! You only get to marry one person, so what’s the need of having complicated feelings for everyone you come across? *reality check hun*

I know I have my thoughts scattered everywhere in this post but I’ll wrap up with this; there is nothing wrong in being just friends. Stay friends until you’re ready. Stay friends until you’re certain he/she is really ‘the one’. And when it doesn’t work out, still stay friends. Good friends are hard to find so cherish the ones you have!

Got any funny/sad friend zone stories where you zoned or were zoned to share? Please share! 😀

Lots of love,

daintym

Posted in Inspiration

Monday Musings

Grrrrrr!! It’s Monday again! I slammed the alarm clock on the bedside table and opted for 5 more minutes. Who was I kidding? 5 minutes could be the difference between getting to work on time and being stuck in rush-hour traffic; between having a good day or a crappy day. Finally, I dragged myself in and out of the bathroom and hit the road at 5:00 AM. Of course, the peculiarity of Lagos makes it necessary to hit the road so early in order to get to your destination on time.

I kept brooding about Mondays as I stared out the window, looking at the cars queuing up on both lanes. Soon enough we pulled up behind a similar queue. The inevitable rush-hour traffic was already building up. Mondays are freaking crazy! The traffic is out of this world, the stress to and fro…I can go on and on about why Mondays suck but let me rather use a few memes to describe this feeling.

Photo credit: truegif.com
Photo credit: truegif.com
Photo credit: imgur.com
Photo credit: imgur.com
Photo credit: memegenerator.net
Photo credit: memegenerator.net

I’m sure most of you can relate! 😀

However, in the middle of my brooding, the Holy Spirit reminded me of a particular quote I had seen a while back which said; ‘There is nothing wrong with Mondays, just our attitude towards it’.

Truth is, Monday is the same as any other day. It has only 24 hours (even though most times I think it’s up to 26 hours). It is our attitude towards Monday that makes it the big scary monster it is.

Please note that your attitude towards Monday could affect the remaining days of the week. If we keep trudging through Mondays, we may just find ourselves trudging through the week, waiting only to thank God for Friday #TGIF (which ought not)

Let’s change our attitude and perspective towards Mondays. Maybe, just maybe, the problem isn’t with the day, but with you.

Don’t pull through the day as though the weight of the world is on your shoulders. Remember that you can’t have a good day with a bad attitude and a bad day with a good attitude. Your attitude makes the difference!

Photo credit: lovethispic.com
Photo credit: lovethispic.com

Happy Monday Friends!

Have a victorious week ahead!

© Mfon Etuk, 2015

This is the day the Lord has made so we will rejoice and be glad in it! Ps 118:24 🙂

Posted in Poetry

Dread

Photo credit: desibucket.com
Photo credit: desibucket.com

I dread the night. Horror

The darkness reaches out its cold arms

Pulling me into an embrace of pain. Terror

Pain in my body

Pain in my mind

Please don’t rain the pain on me tonight

I dread the fear and its slithery fingers

Piercing into my skin with claws so sharp

Digging into my flesh with steely fangs

Breaking down my walls. Defenceless.

My mind is a dreadful web

And I’m trapped in it

Can’t move

Can’t feel a thing. Numb

Please don’t allow the dread drain me tonight

Take the pain away

Make me the fearless girl I see in my dreams-

Make me the me I see in you

© Mfon Etuk, 2015