lost

Night Files: Gone Girl

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She’s a ghost 

Walking through the empty walls 

People she used to know 

Seem like aliens to her  Read the rest of this entry »

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Hold Me

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Hold me. 

Don’t let me go.  Read the rest of this entry »

Night Files 2

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‘One day at a time’, Laila said to herself as she turned off the alarm she had snoozed three times already. She felt the weight of the world on her shoulders as she sat up on the disheveled bed. She couldn’t remember sleeping. There had been a lot of crying and drinking to drown her fears and she fell asleep somewhere in the middle. The pain still gnawed at her heart while she silently whispered ‘Help me God’  Read the rest of this entry »

Clay

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Like an earthen vessel

I was delicately beautiful

Some would even say, dainty

Then came the cracks

The endless stretch of thin lines

That showed I was falling apart

Read the rest of this entry »

Beautiful Possession

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He loves you too much to let you go!

Okay, I’ve heard it over and over again of how much God loves us. But there are times when I’m like; ‘God, I’m way too messy for you. Just be you, up there and let me be me, down here- a mere human’. There are also times when I put my hands in the air after stumbling a couple times and I’m like, ‘you know what, I’m done trying!’

But then you see one little quote or a Bible verse while scrolling down your Instagram timeline, a little sentence that says; ‘God loves you’. Of course you shake your head in disbelief and continue the day’s work.

Just before you shut your eyelids for the night, you think about it again; ‘if He hates me, He could kill me at any time; maybe this night. Oh wait! I can’t sleep with the lights turned off’. Then insomnia sets in, along with anxiety and depression. Soon enough you move farther away from God and find solace in your ‘drug’, whatever it may be.

It sets you on a temporary high, takes your fears away for a moment, and gives you an illusion of love. But it doesn’t last so long. It drops you so low; you could swear you fell off a cliff! So, we take it more often till we can’t do without it; call it an addiction. Then the struggles to get lose from its claws begin. The shame; the guilt; who do you tell? Who would understand?

In the midst of this, through the mist I see, His hand reaching out. His love is still present. ‘No, how can this be? I’m way too far gone; you really don’t want to have anything to do with me, God’. But how long will we keep running? What’s there to lose? Really, I’ve got nothing more to lose!

Still afraid, I lift my hands in surrender, too weak to run. I raise the white flag. And there He is, with arms open wide. I quickly turn around, unsure it’s for me. But it is. He pulls me into a deep embrace and I’m crying hysterically. I just don’t get it! What kind of love is this? I mess up. I fall. I struggle. I falter. Yet, He still loves me! I’ll never be able to fully grasp the depth of His love. It’s just crazy! But it’s crazy amazing!

Soon enough, you begin to love Him back. Longing to be with Him- to make Him smile. He’s already given us everything! How can we repay Him? Just love Him some more! Obey Him. Love the creatures He has made; even though they may be irksome sometimes. But it gets a little easier. Because He helps you do it by living inside you, making His thoughts your thoughts, His words your words! Such a beautiful possession!

 How long do you think you’re gonna keep running? Forever? Believe me, it’s exhausting! There’s a whole lot more to gain, than there is to lose. I think that’s a beautiful exchange! My imperfection for His perfection; my sins for His righteousness; my mess for His mercy; my shame for His glory; my hurts for His healing; my bondage for His freedom. Oh my! This is by far the best deal ever! Call it the Sicilian offer, one that can’t be refused.

Are you ready to take the offer?

© Mfon Etuk, 2016

 

 

The Night Before Light

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Part One

Running, panting, falling,

There it was again, the monster she dreaded,

Ripping off everything that got in its way,

Green algae laced his hideous form,

Horns punctuated his face; his claws were of a bear,

He kept howling like a wolf,

Fear surrounded her like a fence,

Heart pounding, throat thickening, fists clenched, she tried to get up again,

Groping in the dark, trying to find her way,

Should she scream for help?

Who would answer her?

She was alone, just as she wanted,

Heavy footsteps kept getting closer,

Sweat and blood dripping from her as she tried to find a way out

The web she was in was all so scary,

There was no way out of it,

If there was a God, he sure wouldn’t want to save her-she was too far gone to be saved,

The hurt filled her heart till it began to overflow

Another shrill disturbed the silence of the night,

The monster had wrenched the heart of another victim,

For how long would she keep running in circles?

But who was she to end the life she never owned?

Lost, afraid, cold, lonely, she stopped running,

She shivered as the cold wind brushed her fragile skin,

With the shackles on her wrists and ankles,

She sat waiting for her turn like a cow led to slaughter,

If only He could save her-

If only He still loved her like He always said,

Wiping the tears off her dirt covered face,

She looked up to see the monster in front of her,

A knot tightened in her throat, too hard to swallow

There he was with the stench of death oozing out of him,

He stretched out his claws towards her heart,

The end had come for her,

He was going to rip off every bit of her,

Even though his blood thirst remained insatiable,

She knew she deserved this,

Shutting her eyes, she cried from the depths of her heart

JESUS!!!!

Thunder, lightning, earthquake-then came the silence

The silence that screamed louder than the storm,

She slowly opened her eyes,

The monster was gone,

Shackles fell off her wrists and ankles,

She was free, or was she dreaming?

blog image
http://www.loverofdarkness.net

Would the monster come again, stronger and more at rage than it was?

Footnote:

Lots of us struggle with one monster or the other(addictions, obsessions, things we would love to change, things we can’t tell anyone), we keep running around in the thick web of sins. But God is our ever present help in times of need, always ready to save you. Just call on Him. Its time to stop running.

© Mfon Etuk, 2015.

Unspoken

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Surrounded by people yet I feel so lonely

Like a cold blanket over me

I feel no warmth

My eyes are dampened

By the salty tears that keep trying to break free

I’m calling out and no one is answering

Not even the answering machine

Where are my friends when I need them?

Oh wait! There they are…

So why am I so alone?

I long for the peace that only you can give

The storms in my heart keep raging like a mighty tempest

I’m lost, cold and alone

No one understands me

Not even the closest to me…

I feel so empty

Like a barrel with no rum

Or a room with no one

My mind is going overboard

Trying to figure the figures that keep troubling me

Trying to fix the puzzle called life

Its so scrabbled, I need solitaire

Does any of this make sense?

Maybe not…

There’s always one thing after the other

School, work, money, marriage

Too much load, I need a carriage

Chasing after the wind

It’s like I’m chasing pavements

Help! I cry and no one is listening

Or have they got headphones on?

No, my cries are mere whispers

Too scared to turn to you

I feel you still hate me

What I did you can’t forgive

Oh, that’s the devil whispering

Depression cloaks me

Sadness encompasses me

The dark has come

I can’t even see the light

Not even a flash,

My life is a total wreckage

And they say this girl is damaged

People judging me from different degrees

When they don’t even own a law degree

I see them throwing the stones

When it was you who died and rose up before they rolled away the stone

My head is down, my knees are bent

I’m crying for help from the bottom of my heart

Cos I know I’m no Ben 10

It’s dark but I need the light

I’m listening to these sad songs

By other damaged people who feel my pain

It’s like the world is full of chains

People held captive by the need to love again

Eaten up by desires to succeed

Losing their joy in the pursuit of smoke

Yes Solomon said all is vanity

But I just felt it was because he was clothed in royalty

He didn’t feel the scourge of poverty

I can’t see you

But I know you’re there

Kinda like the air I breathe

Call it oxygen or carbon dioxide

Don’t leave me breathless

I’m no Shayne Ward

But I’ve got to hear your word

‘Say something, I’m giving up on you’

That’s the song I’m singing.

© Mfon Etuk, 2014.