‘One day at a time’, Laila said to herself as she turned off the alarm she had snoozed three times already. She felt the weight of the world on her shoulders as she sat up on the disheveled bed. She couldn’t remember sleeping. There had been a lot of crying and drinking to drown her fears and she fell asleep somewhere in the middle. The pain still gnawed at her heart while she silently whispered ‘Help me God’ Read the rest of this entry »
He loves you too much to let you go!
Okay, I’ve heard it over and over again of how much God loves us. But there are times when I’m like; ‘God, I’m way too messy for you. Just be you, up there and let me be me, down here- a mere human’. There are also times when I put my hands in the air after stumbling a couple times and I’m like, ‘you know what, I’m done trying!’
But then you see one little quote or a Bible verse while scrolling down your Instagram timeline, a little sentence that says; ‘God loves you’. Of course you shake your head in disbelief and continue the day’s work.
Just before you shut your eyelids for the night, you think about it again; ‘if He hates me, He could kill me at any time; maybe this night. Oh wait! I can’t sleep with the lights turned off’. Then insomnia sets in, along with anxiety and depression. Soon enough you move farther away from God and find solace in your ‘drug’, whatever it may be.
It sets you on a temporary high, takes your fears away for a moment, and gives you an illusion of love. But it doesn’t last so long. It drops you so low; you could swear you fell off a cliff! So, we take it more often till we can’t do without it; call it an addiction. Then the struggles to get lose from its claws begin. The shame; the guilt; who do you tell? Who would understand?
In the midst of this, through the mist I see, His hand reaching out. His love is still present. ‘No, how can this be? I’m way too far gone; you really don’t want to have anything to do with me, God’. But how long will we keep running? What’s there to lose? Really, I’ve got nothing more to lose!
Still afraid, I lift my hands in surrender, too weak to run. I raise the white flag. And there He is, with arms open wide. I quickly turn around, unsure it’s for me. But it is. He pulls me into a deep embrace and I’m crying hysterically. I just don’t get it! What kind of love is this? I mess up. I fall. I struggle. I falter. Yet, He still loves me! I’ll never be able to fully grasp the depth of His love. It’s just crazy! But it’s crazy amazing!
Soon enough, you begin to love Him back. Longing to be with Him- to make Him smile. He’s already given us everything! How can we repay Him? Just love Him some more! Obey Him. Love the creatures He has made; even though they may be irksome sometimes. But it gets a little easier. Because He helps you do it by living inside you, making His thoughts your thoughts, His words your words! Such a beautiful possession!
How long do you think you’re gonna keep running? Forever? Believe me, it’s exhausting! There’s a whole lot more to gain, than there is to lose. I think that’s a beautiful exchange! My imperfection for His perfection; my sins for His righteousness; my mess for His mercy; my shame for His glory; my hurts for His healing; my bondage for His freedom. Oh my! This is by far the best deal ever! Call it the Sicilian offer, one that can’t be refused.
Are you ready to take the offer?
© Mfon Etuk, 2016
Running, panting, falling,
There it was again, the monster she dreaded,
Ripping off everything that got in its way,
Green algae laced his hideous form,
Horns punctuated his face; his claws were of a bear,
He kept howling like a wolf,
Fear surrounded her like a fence,
Heart pounding, throat thickening, fists clenched, she tried to get up again,
Groping in the dark, trying to find her way,
Should she scream for help?
Who would answer her?
She was alone, just as she wanted,
Heavy footsteps kept getting closer,
Sweat and blood dripping from her as she tried to find a way out
The web she was in was all so scary,
There was no way out of it,
If there was a God, he sure wouldn’t want to save her-she was too far gone to be saved,
The hurt filled her heart till it began to overflow
Another shrill disturbed the silence of the night,
The monster had wrenched the heart of another victim,
For how long would she keep running in circles?
But who was she to end the life she never owned?
Lost, afraid, cold, lonely, she stopped running,
She shivered as the cold wind brushed her fragile skin,
With the shackles on her wrists and ankles,
She sat waiting for her turn like a cow led to slaughter,
If only He could save her-
If only He still loved her like He always said,
Wiping the tears off her dirt covered face,
She looked up to see the monster in front of her,
A knot tightened in her throat, too hard to swallow
There he was with the stench of death oozing out of him,
He stretched out his claws towards her heart,
The end had come for her,
He was going to rip off every bit of her,
Even though his blood thirst remained insatiable,
She knew she deserved this,
Shutting her eyes, she cried from the depths of her heart
Thunder, lightning, earthquake-then came the silence
The silence that screamed louder than the storm,
She slowly opened her eyes,
The monster was gone,
Shackles fell off her wrists and ankles,
She was free, or was she dreaming?
Would the monster come again, stronger and more at rage than it was?
Lots of us struggle with one monster or the other(addictions, obsessions, things we would love to change, things we can’t tell anyone), we keep running around in the thick web of sins. But God is our ever present help in times of need, always ready to save you. Just call on Him. Its time to stop running.
Mfon Etuk, 2015.
Surrounded by people yet I feel so lonely
Like a cold blanket over me
I feel no warmth
My eyes are dampened
By the salty tears that keep trying to break free
I’m calling out and no one is answering
Not even the answering machine
Where are my friends when I need them?
Oh wait! There they are…
So why am I so alone?
I long for the peace that only you can give
The storms in my heart keep raging like a mighty tempest
I’m lost, cold and alone
No one understands me
Not even the closest to me…
I feel so empty
Like a barrel with no rum
Or a room with no one
My mind is going overboard
Trying to figure the figures that keep troubling me
Trying to fix the puzzle called life
Its so scrabbled, I need solitaire
Does any of this make sense?
There’s always one thing after the other
School, work, money, marriage
Too much load, I need a carriage
Chasing after the wind
It’s like I’m chasing pavements
Help! I cry and no one is listening
Or have they got headphones on?
No, my cries are mere whispers
Too scared to turn to you
I feel you still hate me
What I did you can’t forgive
Oh, that’s the devil whispering
Depression cloaks me
Sadness encompasses me
The dark has come
I can’t even see the light
Not even a flash,
My life is a total wreckage
And they say this girl is damaged
People judging me from different degrees
When they don’t even own a law degree
I see them throwing the stones
When it was you who died and rose up before they rolled away the stone
My head is down, my knees are bent
I’m crying for help from the bottom of my heart
Cos I know I’m no Ben 10
It’s dark but I need the light
I’m listening to these sad songs
By other damaged people who feel my pain
It’s like the world is full of chains
People held captive by the need to love again
Eaten up by desires to succeed
Losing their joy in the pursuit of smoke
Yes Solomon said all is vanity
But I just felt it was because he was clothed in royalty
He didn’t feel the scourge of poverty
I can’t see you
But I know you’re there
Kinda like the air I breathe
Call it oxygen or carbon dioxide
Don’t leave me breathless
I’m no Shayne Ward
But I’ve got to hear your word
‘Say something, I’m giving up on you’
That’s the song I’m singing.
Mfon Etuk, 2014.