‘One day at a time’, Laila said to herself as she turned off the alarm she had snoozed three times already. She felt the weight of the world on her shoulders as she sat up on the disheveled bed. She couldn’t remember sleeping. There had been a lot of crying and drinking to drown her fears and she fell asleep somewhere in the middle. The pain still gnawed at her heart while she silently whispered ‘Help me God’ Continue reading “Night Files 2”→
Thanks for sticking with me from the first letter, to the second, the third and now. I may be writing this to help you but it is helping me more. I think letting things out in the open helps. It makes us know we are not alone. I like listening to NF music because he says all the right things…the things I feel. In his words, ‘this is therapy for me’ 🙂
Depression and loneliness.
Sometimes I think it’s a cause and effect relationship, where depression causes loneliness or is it loneliness that causes depression? I don’t know anymore. Maybe it works both ways. Being lonely often gives room for the depression to invade completely. While being depressed also pretty much drives people away, leaving you lonely.
Isn’t that all the devil wants? To keep you so far from help and fill you with negative thoughts. Suffice it to say loneliness and depression go hand in hand.
If you’re reading this, then you probably read the first letter and you’re back as I asked. Or not. It’s just an assumption. I’ve been trying to write to you. But my cares and worries won’t let me. I’ve been trying to speak to you but my voice is muffled inside. I’ve been trying to reach you, to let you know this too shall pass. Well, it either passes or you pass from it. Continue reading “Letters to the Depressed 2”→
M: Lately, I feel like you’re so far away. Or maybe more concerned with other pressing issues. I know it’s the enemy’s deception, but sometimes I can’t help it. Doubts crawl into my mind like bugs in an abandoned apartment. I want to believe you’re here, but sometimes it’s so hard to see behind the fog. True though, it’s really foggy outside my window.
G: Go on, I’m listening.
M: I know I’ve pulled back from you. Because I don’t feel you anymore.
G: But what ever happened to leaping in faith? Trusting me to catch you when you fall?
M: You don’t understand! It’s so freaking hard to believe you’re there when everything goes south. Like right now; I’m confused, I’m tired, I’m depressed, I’m lonely and I can’t help myself. Yes, I’ve called on you but I can’t see you reaching out to help me.
G: Are my hands too short that I can’t save you? Or my ears too dull that I can’t hear you? Do you think for a second, that I, who formed the eyes cannot see?
M: It’s overwhelming, Lord.
G: Have the storms killed you? Have the waters drowned you?
M: Honestly, I feel like I’m 6 ft. under the ground everyday- just a walking dead.
G: I would never give you more than you can handle. And you need to remember feelings are but smoke, they fizzle out. You can’t hold on to them for long.
M: I know, Lord. But I’m only human and it’s not my fault that you’ve given me the ability to feel.
G: Now she blames me. Classic human!
M: Please forgive me. I’m just so frustrated. I don’t know what to believe anymore.
G: You’re forgiven. But I have some questions you need to answer.
M: I’m listening, Lord.
G: Have I promised never to leave nor forsake you?
M: Yes you have.
G: Then why do you think I’ve left you for more pressing issues? I’m slightly offended by how little you think of me. Do you really think I need to leave one place to be in another place? What’s your definition of omnipresence?
M: Sighs. I can’t get past my mind trying to figure you the way I figure humans. Please forgive me.
G: I am not a man that I should lie, nor a son of man, that I should change my mind. Do I speak and then not act? Do I promise and not fulfill? Haven’t I said my strength is made perfect in your weakness?
M: I’m despaired, Lord. I was afraid that you had turned your back on me, so I resolved to go my way. Waddling in depression and seeking satisfaction from things that couldn’t satisfy.
G: My thoughts are not your thoughts; your ways are not my ways. As the Heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than yours. What would be the difference between you and I if I have to do things the way you want them to be done?
M: I want your ways, Lord and I repent of my evil ways.
G: Then trust in me with all your heart. Don’t lean on your understanding! The moment you think you’ve got me all figured out is the moment I’ll surprise you. Just believe that I will bring you to that expected end, you don’t need to know how.
M: Yes Lord, I believe. But help my unbelief.
G: Why do you doubt? If I gave you the one thing I cherished the most- my son, what else will I withhold from you?
G: Need I remind you that NOTHING can separate you from my love?
M: Thank you for loving me.
G: So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
M: Thank you Father.
G: I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.
M: I adore you for you are the God of all comfort who comforts me in my troubles; so that I can comfort others in trouble with the comfort I’ve received from You.
Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.- Isaiah 1:18