death

Night Files: Gone Girl

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Photo credit: weheartit.com

She’s a ghost 

Walking through the empty walls 

People she used to know 

Seem like aliens to her  Read the rest of this entry »

The Portal

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Photo Credit: Pinterest.com

There are certain things we know as true but still find it hard to accept. One of such is death. Everyone knows death is inevitable but still, it doesn’t cushion the blow when it happens.  Just recently I saw two pictures of young chaps who had passed on and it sent my mind reeling. I always thought I was at peace with death…but can one really be?  Read the rest of this entry »

Letters to the Depressed 2

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If you’re reading this, then you probably read the first letter and you’re back as I asked. Or not. It’s just an assumption. I’ve been trying to write to you. But my cares and worries won’t let me. I’ve been trying to speak to you but my voice is muffled inside. I’ve been trying to reach you, to let you know this too shall pass. Well, it either passes or you pass from it.   Read the rest of this entry »

The Therapist- Sleepless Nights

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Previously on the therapist…

By the time I got back home I was completely fagged out. I fell on my orthopedic bed with a loud thud and drifted to sleep. Was I asleep or was I awake? I don’t know anymore.

 I saw Richard while sleeping. He told me he was afraid to live. He said I should have allowed him drown. He had lost his wife and kids in a car accident and he was recently laid off from his job and couldn’t even pay his bills. He’s the only child of ‘only-child ‘ parents who had passed away a couple of years back. His wife was also orphaned and literally, he had no other family.

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Photo Credit: sleeptoliveinstitute.com

 Amidst my tossing and turning, I opened an eyelid to notice my grandfather’s massive antique clock on the purple wall striking 3 AM. I must have slept because I closed my eyes at 11 PM or was it 12? I don’t know anymore. Turns out, I dream of things I’ve seen through the day. It’s no wonder I’ve been having insomnia for some years now. Who would sleep after hearing the horrendous stories shared everyday by clients?

Richard had been through a lot and death was pretty much his best option. Definitely not the only option. He complained that life had lost its meaning and he didn’t even know where to start from.

I think about death a lot lately. Sometimes I welcome it with open arms, other times I just ponder upon the power death wields. It takes anyone without a second thought. It turns its cold back to the ceaseless tears flowing upon the plain faces of loved ones.

When my spell began some few years back and I had an episode on my wedding day, I was pretty much ready to die. His parents didn’t allow him go ahead with the marriage. Heck! His face was as white as though he had seen a ghost. Maybe that’s when I cut all attachments and became a lone ranger. A loner at night but an ever listening, ever patient therapist at day.

You know how we often think we are the only ones experiencing the worst of situations? Every therapy session reveals otherwise. There’s always a worst story. Day after day, client after client, I’ve learned the untold evil that plagues the inhabitants of this planet. As selfish humans though, we get stuck up in our pool of despair that we fail to see the other person falling off the cliff.

I’ve been on medications for as long as I can remember but the best medication for me has been listening to other people’s pains and helping them get out of their heads. In the end, most of what we feel or experience is all in our heads. I get them out of their heads and do the job for them. Excessive thinking.

Maybe I make up for my pain by ensuring no one lives through it. I think I’m addicted to the pain. My pain has numbed me. No one should go through that.

Richard has to live. Even though I know suicide is an illusion of escape from the known world, I know the unknown world is not where Richard would like to be right now. It’s worse than this place. He won’t even be able to handle it. He blames me for not allowing him die that day and put an end to his misery. If only he knew, he would thank me for saving him from the afterlife.

Sometimes I wonder how something as cold as death emerges from a world as hot as hell. The known and unknown worlds. I wish I could completely figure those out. Turns out the books I’ve been reading on them leave me more confused.

It’s another sleepless night, I didn’t get the rest that was required of me. But I’ve got to get back to work. I’ve missed it. Maybe that’s because the work is all I’ve got to keep me sane.

©Mfon Etuk, 2016.

The Frailty of Man

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I pondered the frailty of man 

As I trudged through each day 

Weary from the burdens I bear 

What more can I say? 

This morning was the same 

I careened down the street 

With heavy designer bags weighing down my eyelids 

The vanity of living in this world 

Has weighed on my heart heavily 

I’m fagged out of it all 

Unbeknownst to me what was about to befall me 

There she was, crossing the road 

When in the twinkle of an eye 

She was pushed down 

And rolled over by the tricycle 

It could have been worse 

Say a truck or a pathfinder 

I watched her unconscious body sprawled on the road 

In total shock and dismay 

Oh the frailty of man! 

One minute you’re here and the next you’re gone 

Why then do we pursue riches 

Without regarding who would gather it when we’re gone? 

 

Why do we live as though there is no end? 

Why do we hate and tug at each other in order to be ahead in the rat race? 

Why do we relegate our friends and family to the backseat while our insatiable search for wealth

Takes on front row? 

 

We are like flowers, 

We bloom, we blossom but we also wither and are no more, 

Oh dear heart, be comforted 

For this isn’t the end 

Death is but a portal to a new life 

©Mfon Etuk, 2016 frailty

 

Endings are always portals to new beginnings.

Courtney 

 

When Living is Dying

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Photo Credit: nabilahanisa.blogspot.com

What is living when living is dying? 

I’m dying everyday 

I’m dying with every wake 

I’m dying with every breath 

I’m a dead man walking 

My body moves but my soul shuts down 

It dies within me 

My body moves  

Controlled by external forces 

Forces that move me  

To the right or left 

Without caring about 

How I feel 

What is living? 

When living is dying? 

Please put me out of my misery. 

  

They say as long as there’s life 

There’s hope 

But when hope is lost 

Can one be termed dead? 

  

I want to stop time 

Just so I don’t go through the same routine 

I wish the brakes of the bus 

Will push pause on my life 

Bringing it to a stop 

  

I want to live 

I want to smile 

I want to be happy I’m alive 

I want to live and not die 

But what is living 

When living is dying? 

©Mfon Etuk, 2016 

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Undying Love

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I saw this tree on the wall yesterday on my way to church and I found it fascinating! Couldn’t help taking a picture. It’s creepy in a cute way 🙂 

I love you till death do us part 

We part for a moment as I watch over your apartment  

Up in Heaven 

Waiting for you 

Praying for you 

Nothing can come between us 

This bond we have 

Is definitely not James Bond 

Even though he is our favourite character – 

The bond we have is God 

He sees my heart 

He knows my thoughts 

He’s teaching me to love you more 

Despite my past hurts and bruises 

I will love you with everything I’ve got 

Death isn’t enough to separate us 

Even in the grave, we’ll lay side by side 

And in paradise

I’ll long to see your face 

As we sing hallelujah praise 

My undying love I give 

For that’s all I have to live 

Accept it my beloved 

Concentrated, undiluted 

Love, till it kills you  

©Mfon Etuk, 2016

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PS: This was written for the man of my dreams. I hope he reads this wherever he is *dreamy eyes*