Whether you’re out there ready to dive in, or just dipping your toes into the waters, I’ve come to understand that you need to be guarded at all times. The waters are fierce, but the rewards can be worth it if you survive. Here are a few things I’ve learnt to help navigate the dating pool:

First, to navigate the waters, you must be able to swim in order not to drown. Pay attention to the intermediate strokes and equip yourself with the swimming techniques for survival. Like everything else, practice makes perfect. But when in doubt, remember you’ve got a lifeguard, which for us as Christians is Jesus Christ, and friends who give good advice.

Personally, I think the pool is larger than we think. I think it’s like a huge ocean of possible soulmates. But to get to the good stuff, you’re gonna meet sea weeds, crabs, shellfish, trouts, anything but the right one.

It’s easy to give up, I might add. I know I’ve thought about giving up because of how frustrating learning all of these is. But I’m reminded about what Jesus said to Simon Peter, ‘Throw your nets for a catch!’

That leads me to the second tip, are you ready for a catch? The first point was on being equipped as a catch, and having the right qualities a.k.a swimming techniques. Now, the second is are you ready for a catch? I know this may sound rhetorical because you’ll be like ‘Duh! M, I’m reading this because I wanna navigate the dating pool better!’ I get you. But some of us are at the ocean with our toes touching the water, but our eyes are elsewhere. We’re not ready for a catch. Heck! We already have our hands full with other things that we currently consider more important. If that’s you, please don’t go leading anyone into thinking you’re gonna catch them when you wouldn’t, okurrr?

Third point is what kind of fish (soulmate) are you hoping to catch? So you’re ready for a catch, but what are you hoping to catch? I remember the movie, Forrest Gump and how he went into the shrimp business. He knew what he wanted to catch- shrimps! So he had to focus on the parts of the water where he could catch them. Same with the movie, In the Heart of the Sea, where those fishermen were after whales. They would travel far and wide to find breeding grounds for whales. The type of fish you’re looking to catch will determine which waters you go fishing in.

Question is what kind do you want to catch? Do you have established qualities or standards you’re looking out for? If not, you may just end up settling for clownfish or Patrick from Spongebob (a starfish). Lol. Decide what you want, and swim in that direction.

Fourth tip, there aren’t always better fish in the ocean. This is for folks who are in amazing and healthy relationships already. I’ve come to understand that what we call ‘boring’ in some way is just describing stability and companionship. We tend to think that singles out there are having more fun than we are. I don’t think so. The waters are wild! Lol. I think everyone is just trying to find that soul they can go through life with. You know, someone who makes the bad days bearable and who would laugh at your not so funny jokes. So if you’ve got this already, please take good care of it and nurture that relationship until it blossoms.

Fifth point, we don’t have it all figured out. I remember when I first got into Social Sciences and was told that it’s difficult to scientifically study humans because of how unpredictable we are. This even made me more interested in humans, and it’s relieving to know that no one has it all figured out. Especially when it comes to relationships. Most of us are just winging it. I mean, even this post is just from my point of view and as I said before, I’m just about done swimming in the murky waters. Lol.

Yet, I write to empathize with everyone who has struggled with navigating the dating waters. So many not-so-good sea creatures out there stinging us to tears. But in the same waters you’ll find incredible dolphins, beautiful whales, and well, whatever creatures you think are cute. Point is, to get what you really desire you’ve gotta put in the work. Learn to swim. Learn to get yourself ready for a catch. Learn what kind of person you wanna catch, and go in the direction of where they can be. And when all fails and you find yourself drowning, remember to call on your lifeguard. I’m hopeful that you’ll have your net full with the right catch.

Let me know if you found any of these tips helpful.

Love,

M.