Do you ever wish God could just take away something you’ve been dealing with? Like a health challenge or a weakness, where you’re just like “Urghh!!! Why can’t I be alright?” Well, sometimes all he says in those situations is “My Grace is sufficient for you” which translated in our parlance would be “Buck up! I’m gonna show out even in what seems to you like a weakness.”
I can’t remember when I started fighting depression and anxiety, but I recall the term ‘moody’ being flung in my direction right from my teenage years. Some probably just thought I was shy or quiet… or maybe even both. With more information at our disposal, I’ve been able to learn more about it, the symptoms and when I’m lucky, I can pinpoint the triggers.
When it comes, it comes in waves. Sometimes, short lived like a couple of hours, and other times, it drags on for weeks and months. I journal a lot, as some of you know. And one thing I do is look back on stuff I was doing on exact dates a year ago. From that, I’ve drawn patterns… seen places where I felt the same way and how I cried to God about it.
Yes, that’s one thing I always do. Yet, it can also be the most painful thing when you don’t get an answer or when you wake up and it seems nothing is changing. If you’ve never felt this deep cloud of darkness hover around you for days, weeks, or months unend, then you’re truly blessed! Not saying those who struggle with this or any other kinda stuff aren’t blessed. We all are. I dare say we’re chosen!
I believe God can use anything, especially our weaknesses when we lay them at his feet. He likes to show off His strength, and what better way to do so than through our weaknesses? His light shines through the dark clouds. When we’re buried deep down in the pit, he finds us there and brings us out. He’s there, always is… and He won’t waste your pain.
With every tear and every prayer screaming, ‘Lord, take it away!’ I’ve grown to see His plans unfold. He has blessed me with a very sensitive soul… one that easily feels the pain of others. I feel emotions deeply, and I love with such depth and fierceness. I know what it feels like to be alone, to feel lost, to feel hopeless, to dread life, to be scared, to wish everything would end, to stare at the darkness… I have been through all that (still going through them). And as a result I’m more empathetic.
Life is hard. Way too hard to go on alone. That’s why we have the good shepherd as a guide, and a sheepfold to help us journey through life.
You’re never alone. There’s beauty in your pain. Find it. 🦋🦋🦋