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In finding our ‘perfect’ or ‘right’ mates, most times we have checklists that give us an idea of what we want and don’t want in a mate. While the idea of having checklists is good, I think it can get shallow at times. And that’s why this post is about a different approach to finding your life partner.

Man is made up of three components – the body, the soul and the spirit. These for me are the three levels of connection one must have. 

Soul level 

This is where feelings, emotions, intellectualism, logic, reasoning, and thoughts reside. You want to be able to have feelings for your mate, be able to have deep intellectual conversations and generally connect on the soul level. This level of connection is so important and that’s probably why we call them ‘soul mates’.  You want to be able to think like this person, know why they act the way they do, caress their minds, ignite their brain, laugh at witty jokes, decipher unexpressed emotions and much more! Now if you’ve connected with this potential mate on the soul level, great!  On to the next!

Spirit level 

If you’ve got the understanding that you’re a spirit man with a soul living in a body, this level will be at your very core. You’d find a mate who operates on the same wavelength as you spiritually. One who understands the foundation of what you believe in, who knows God for themselves and other principles which apply to your individual churches or circles. Can two work together except they agree?  It’s silly to think you’ll marry someone and then change them into believing in what you believe. Now is when you need to see if you can lead them to know your God for themselves and not guilt trip them into being who you want. Even as Christians, know on what level you want to connect with a potential mate. As a more matured believer, you may wanna be with one who is operating on that level of growth. This is still left to the discretion of those involved. Point is, you should have a spiritual connection with your potential mate.


Body level 

Here lies your sense organs, the ability to touch, see, hear, smell and taste. How you sense your potential mate when they are around you matters a lot. Do you ever wonder why some great guys or girls just remain in your friend zone? One reason may be a lack of physical attraction i.e. chemistry. You may connect spiritually and have great soulful conversations but something physically just doesn’t click. You don’t get those goose bumps when they’re at arm’s length. Well, suffice it to say the body level is as important as the rest. You don’t wanna marry someone you’d hate to touch or make babies with. Lol! I’m definitely against test driving before marriage, but to some extent you can tell if you’re physically attracted to a person without even peering under their shirts. The mistake some of us make is placing too much emphasis on the body level and no regard to the other two. Who doesn’t want a good looking spouse?  Or one whose simple touch can send nerves racking?  I know I do! Lol!

Well, these are my inspired thoughts. You don’t have to make them a standard yardstick.  But I think it is wise to have someone you connect with on a holistic level and not just in parts. Imagine being able to pray together; believing in the same God and also being able to have deep conversations and also share jokes that the other person will quickly get and to top it up, have great chemistry that the world can’t deny! Now if that’s not a well-balanced relationship, I wonder what is! 

I’d like you to go beyond just drafting a list of what they should look like or act like, and be more deliberate! Ensure that you guys are not just soul mates but spirit mates and body mates.

Always my desire that you live victorious lives!


22 thoughts on “Not Just Another Checklist

  1. I agree with all that was. said, it is very inspiring. Now list thing is great to a point, but I believe that our list for what we desire in a spouse must measure up to God’s. In order to do this we need to studies of his word. Because we may want something that our hea. venly Father knows is not good for us. Our lists are but we need to be open them being edited.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for the questions. 1. Nope. Not 3 mates. Just one who has elements of the three levels. 2. No, it’s not too much to ask. Because, as long as those other levels mean something, people would end up connecting with others who aren’t their spouses for the satisfaction they get. I hope these help 🙂


  2. Excellent post Mfon! Sorry for the long time absence – things have been pretty busy with work and writing on my end these days!

    I think you make some excellent points in this post! These are all things we’re on-some-level-aware that are important in a relationship, but not ones we stop and think about often. Furthermore, I think some of them are too often ignored altogether in the early dating/attraction stages.

    Wonderful advice to anyone in a relationship or looking to be in one!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. It’s so nice to see good Christian posts on dating. I agree that these three elements are crucial–especially the spiritual and soul connection. We can’t ignore the physical either, as it definitely sets the relationship apart from a friendship. But some good boundaries are important in that regard 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Wait ooo
    And you telling me with all these explanations, analogies and insights, 1⃣ should just make up and say 💬I think it Is time to get married 💍or be hooked up with all these fear files lol 😂 you just pointed out.,
    No no no no no
    It is indeed a wholistic journey ✈and all paths must be candidly put into consideration unless many don’t see it as a ministry and the Almighty has great interest in. No trail and error pack inside.
    I soully enjoyed this M.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. What comes to mind when talking about making lists of any kind is the beginning of James chapter four, and also what is commonly referred to as the Lord’s prayer. Thy will be done… My question for myself is this. If the father asks me to change my plans, will I? The other question I have is, do I truly believe that papa knows best???


  6. Deep! This is indeed an amazing masterpiece you have here. It has got me thinking and rethinking and even realigning. Thank you so much! You’re amazing, and may the Holy Spirit continue to guide you.


  7. I definitely agree with this!
    Every single part is important, some people neglect the body part(physical attraction) even if they are connected in spirit and soul. God should guide us in everything and He is very much interested in our relationships.


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