If you’re reading this, then you probably read the first letter and you’re back as I asked. Or not. It’s just an assumption. I’ve been trying to write to you. But my cares and worries won’t let me. I’ve been trying to speak to you but my voice is muffled inside. I’ve been trying to reach you, to let you know this too shall pass. Well, it either passes or you pass from it.  

Depression is not who you are. I spoke about this in my first letter. It’s a state you pass through. Don’t be possessive about it. It’s not ‘your’ depression. It’s a state of mind that passes over. Just as the dark clouds do when the sun shines. Just as with the dark clouds, it could rain… Heck! There’ll be storms and floods in some parts. Do we let this sweep us away? Do we let its slithery seductive fingers pierce us so bad we lose sight of the reason for living?

Ah! Death and life. Sometimes I prefer the former to the latter. A freedom from the bondage of this life, you may say. Wrong! That’s just a mirage the devil uses to make us think death would be the end of depression.  It isn’t. Death looks more attractive than life when you’re depressed.

Diary entry 1

If I die now 

What would you have left? 

Please know I struggled 

I struggled to live or not to 

Life kicked me down 

Life punched the guts out of me 

Death beckoned 

As a shiny portal to a new life 

A place where my tears will be scarce 

A place where I would be free 

From the clutches of living 

If I die now 

Please know I tried 

I tried to stay positive 

To keep hope alive 

To see the light at the end of the tunnel 

But the only light I saw 

stood in death’s doorway 

I waited for a push 

I could never walk in by myself 

I prayed someone would usher me 

If I die now 

Then someone finally did me a favour 

Putting an end to my pain 

I carried it for so long 

Oh how miserable it made me 

I couldn’t explain it 

People thought I was crazy 

There was no reason to be sad 

But I still found myself 

In a pool of my tears 

If I die now 

Know that I’m happy it’s over 

I wish I could have stayed longer 

But I’m happier where I am 

Finally in paradise 

M.

You see there, I’ve pretty much thought of death as well. But hey, you have no right to take your life! Suicide isn’t an option. Yes, the world could be a crazy place. But not for one second should you think nobody cares…I wouldn’t be writing this if I didn’t. Don’t even think nobody loves you… He wouldn’t send His son to die for you if He didn’t.

The devil plays a trick on our minds, making us think we’re all alone in this world! Truth is, you aren’t. Your existence matters to someone. Don’t believe the lies that you are a mistake. There’s someone who cares. There’s someone whose life is dependent on you getting through this. Someone you need to help out. Someone who needs a reason to live. And you can’t be there for them if you die now.

As much as I appreciate all the times I am joyful and peachy, I equally cherish those moments of depression. We cry, we laugh. We have ups and downs. There is a time for everything. I need you to get the lessons from this season, as I did. By going through it, I can write to you in all honesty.

The dark clouds will come. The storms will rage. But if you’ve got Him in your heart, you can rest assured that peace will reign and storms will be stilled.

I pray God uses this to bless your heart and to let you know you’re not alone.

Dear friend, I want you to live and not die. I want us to live and live victoriously.

Love,

~M.

 

True wisdom and real power belong to God. From Him we learn how to live and also what to live for.  -Job 12:13 (MSG)