So I finally got the courage to write to you. Please read, cause I’m not gonna write you off, like they did. Do you feel intense sadness, hopelessness, emptiness and/or loss of interest in the things you once enjoyed? Do you feel guilty, worthless, absolutely helpless and and/or anxious? Or do you have thoughts of death or suicide quite often? If you said yes to any of these, then I’m writing this for you.
I don’t like when people become possessive of sickness and unpleasant things; ‘my’ headache, ‘my’ depression. It’s not yours! Depression is a state of sadness, hopelessness, emptiness and dejection. It’s a phase some of us go through. Though a lot of us are stuck in that state- we just don’t ‘go through’ as we ought to.
I’ve discovered there are a lot of people who deal with depression, but conceal it behind wide smiles, for the fear of being stigmatized or considered weak. But the truth is, a corpse will always stink, no matter how much you cover it with perfume. That said, I’d like you to face the depression head on. Call it out for what it is.
Diary entry 1:
I could easily pretend I haven’t been depressed. I could easily keep smiling like everything is perfect with the world. But is it really? They may be fooled, but I wouldn’t. He wouldn’t. Denial. I’ve been in denial. I blamed the depression on my lack of social skills. Maybe if I had more friends, maybe if I could talk a little more- just maybe everything would be alright. Here I am surrounded by concerned eyes and I can’t help but lie that I’m fine. Yes, I am. Just let me be. Their mistake, my mistake. Don’t let me be.
Now you know I’m not writing to you as one who hasn’t been there. I’ve got so many entries to share with you, so you know I connect with you. But I won’t let you be. I’m not gonna watch you wallow in depression long enough to make the devil ecstatic. It’s the battlefield of the mind. Time to fight!
Diary entry 2:
I’m here. But my mind is long gone. So deep in the pit. I’m scared. I’m scared I won’t be found. I know I sound crazy. Oh sure I do! I mean, it’s crazy to be struggling with stuffs others don’t just get. Like you’ve got every reason to be happy- so why aren’t you? You selfish being! You’re depriving the world of what God has given you.
I know how frustrating this state/condition is. I beat myself a lot. But this is the part where we depend on God’s strength to see us. Don’t believe that lousy lie that no one gets how you feel. Depression tends to make us selfish, but we need not be. If you’ve been depressed, you should be able to connect with someone else struggling-that’s why I’m writing this series.
Diary entry 3:
My God!!!!! Where are you? Please save me from this! Please…please…I need you. I know they may not understand the full depths of this. But you know this, you see me. I’m down- again. I’m deep in the pit. Please stretch out your hands. The same hands that molded me intricately. Please stretch out your hands of mercy and bring me out. I don’t want to be this way- not today.
Reach out to God. Cry out for help. That’s what I do even in my darkest times. I mean, I could get so dark that I’d hide it from every human. But we can’t hide it from the one who sees everything! It’s relieving to pour it all out to God. Don’t bottle it in- you just may implode.
There’s so much more to say. I guess that’s why you need to look out for the next letter. I know it’s hard right now. I know you feel so alone. But you aren’t. He’s with you. He loves you.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God- 2 Corinthians 1:3-4