Have you ever felt so empty? Like no matter how much money you’ve got in the bank, no matter how awesome that partner is in your relationship, no matter how much time you put into that job you love, no matter how stocked your wardrobe is- you still feel empty. Some may be in denial, but I’ve got my hands raised and I’m sure some honest people do as well. So really, why do we feel ‘incomplete’ even when we are surrounded by the pleasures of life? Oh wait, you may not be surrounded by the good pleasures of life yet- you are still pushing. Just maybe that new job will make you complete. Or maybe, just maybe if you find your soulmate you will be complete. Or maybe if you had gotten parental love as a kid you would be complete. Some others would be like; ‘M, just send me a million dollars and I will be complete!’  

Humans are really creative, aren’t we? We try to stuff different things in that empty space just so we feel complete. My focal point would be in the place of relationships. In Africa, and I’m sure some other cultures, once a lady is in her 20s, the question ‘when are you getting married?’ becomes as frequent as ‘how are you?’. Before long, she becomes self-aware of her ‘incompleteness’. As a matter of fact, women who have attained high levels career wise are not exempted from the incompleteness that comes with not having a man. I think that’s absolutely crazy and sad of course!

Some people say stuffs like ‘my second half’ implying a feeling of being half and incomplete. I’m not excluded from this wrong thinking. I have been in the school of thought that singleness equates loneliness. This school of thought is crippling. It leads to single people hopping in and out of relationships just to avoid the space of loneliness. Been there, done that.

But I’ve come to the realization that you’ve got to win at being single to win at being with someone. How do you intend to deal with other people when you can’t even stand being by yourself for a period of time? When you don’t even know yourself? I know I may be striking some unfriendly chords here, but please stay with me. Personally, I’ve learnt how to get a little more deliberate and to savour the period of singleness. Paul said the unmarried get more time to do God’s work (1 Cor 7:34). And that’s true. You’re not worried about much when you’re single. You get to seek God and chase after His purpose for you. If you haven’t gotten anything from my thoughts here, remember singleness doesn’t equate loneliness. Not when you have God.

Recently I came to the knowledge of truth which I would like each and every one of you to come to. That truth is summed up in this verse:

So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority. Col 2:10

You are not complete in your partner, in your money, in your career, in your expansive wardrobe, talents or hobbies- you are complete in God. Only God can give the completeness we so desire. Please I’d advise you not to jump into relationships if you haven’t discovered yourself in God from a state of singleness. This doesn’t mean you can’t find yourself in God while in a relationship. But this is to emphasize the importance of the single days. Maximize those days. Find your identity in God and be complete in Him.

Marriage isn’t the coming together of two half individuals but two complete individuals.  You are complete in Him. And when you are complete in Him, you won’t have to start draining your partner for a completeness he/she can’t give you. Think about why those past relationships didn’t work- maybe you expected them to give what they never had! I definitely can’t exhaust this in one post. Hopefully there would be a sequel. Thank you for reading!

***Guess what? We now have over 11,000 hits!!!! Thank God!!! Thank you all for your support and encouragement. You guys are the best! ❤ ❤

Stay blessed!

©Mfon Etuk, 2016

 

20 thoughts on “Complete”

  2. WOW! I really needed to hear that! I’ve been feeling a little bit in a funk lately, making the transition from high school to college and trying to figure out what all of that means for me and how this affects who I am and who I’m becoming. Great reminder that completeness doesn’t come from success, relationships, or even our own selves, but from God!
    A bit of an unrelated note, but lately I’ve been paranoid about my friendships unraveling during college and ending up a loner, but I’m finding that I really need to trust God to provide. I think that one of the greatest things about blogs is finding that we’re not the only ones fearing a lack of relationships (Whether friendships or a significant other) and trying to figure life out. Keep up the awesome posts, and congrats on 11,000 hits!
    P.S. From what I’ve heard, marital expectations are pretty much the same in America. I haven’t gotten any of those questions yet (Considering I’m just barely out of high school), but I’m sure I’ll be getting them within a couple of years. That seems to particularly be a common situation in churches, southern states, and other more conservative atmospheres in the U.S.
    I just realized my comment is a little long, but this post really spoke to me. 😊

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    1. I was already grinning when I saw how long it was 😃 I do share such fears as well and you’re right, other blogs do provide the comfort of not being alone. I’m sure one year down the line, you’d notice how many awesome friends you have in college and how silly the fear was. 😊 Haha, it’s good to know you also share the culture of asking a young woman when she’s getting married. 😅 Thank God the post spoke to you and thank you so much for leaving such a beautiful comment.❤

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  5. Hello.
    Great post ❤
    Some things will work themselves out eventually….if you Seek ye first
    ~B

    PS 11000 views nice am a little jealous haha congrats 😘

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  6. Hmmmmmmmmm 11k hits, wow, it’s only the beginning, keep at it. I share your view tho since am not a lady I don’t get the when are you getting married as much as where do you work and what’s the plan for your life questions. The feeling of being incomplete is made worser(pardon the gbagaun) when other people especially on social media look so happy and you feel incomplete. That’s why we have to find out ourselves enjoy our company and just be awesome I guess that itself attracts good things to us. And the best way to do this is to experience God totally, with that the rest would come easily.
    Thanks for sharing this rhema though it took me a while to get to it, am glad I got to read with ease. Congrats on your 11k hits when we gonna celebrate it?

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    1. Thank you so much Sesan! Ah! you’re right, seeing other people’s lives on social media can sure make us feel incomplete. Thank God for we are complete in Him. Thanks for your constant support and encouragement! God bless you! ❤

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  7. I have and operate this thinking that operates on a platform that says only purpose leads to completeness.
    The bible talks about being complete in Him(Jesus). There will always be someone ahead of us no matter how hard we try. I believe we aren’t called to compete but to manifest.

    Thanks for sharing this, you are awesome

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  8. Amen to all of this! 👏 Although being single is hard sometimes (especially coming out of a break up), I’ve never had more friends and opportunities in my life. When God brings you to a point where all you have is Him, great things can happen!

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  9. Wow.. 11,000!! Congrats..

    And this reminds of a sermon by Miles Monroe.. The same topic and theme.

    Thank you for the reminder.
    PS: congrats on 20,000,it’s coming soon

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  10. Whoop! 🙌🏾

    “Only Christ can truly satisfy.”

    Ah, yes. I have so many thoughts on this, oh well 😪. Lol, one day I’m sure I’d come to terms with the first time and place my Dad talked about marriage with me 😦.

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