Have you ever felt so empty? Like no matter how much money you’ve got in the bank, no matter how awesome that partner is in your relationship, no matter how much time you put into that job you love, no matter how stocked your wardrobe is- you still feel empty. Some may be in denial, but I’ve got my hands raised and I’m sure some honest people do as well. So really, why do we feel ‘incomplete’ even when we are surrounded by the pleasures of life? Oh wait, you may not be surrounded by the good pleasures of life yet- you are still pushing. Just maybe that new job will make you complete. Or maybe, just maybe if you find your soulmate you will be complete. Or maybe if you had gotten parental love as a kid you would be complete. Some others would be like; ‘M, just send me a million dollars and I will be complete!’
Humans are really creative, aren’t we? We try to stuff different things in that empty space just so we feel complete. My focal point would be in the place of relationships. In Africa, and I’m sure some other cultures, once a lady is in her 20s, the question ‘when are you getting married?’ becomes as frequent as ‘how are you?’. Before long, she becomes self-aware of her ‘incompleteness’. As a matter of fact, women who have attained high levels career wise are not exempted from the incompleteness that comes with not having a man. I think that’s absolutely crazy and sad of course!
Some people say stuffs like ‘my second half’ implying a feeling of being half and incomplete. I’m not excluded from this wrong thinking. I have been in the school of thought that singleness equates loneliness. This school of thought is crippling. It leads to single people hopping in and out of relationships just to avoid the space of loneliness. Been there, done that.
But I’ve come to the realization that you’ve got to win at being single to win at being with someone. How do you intend to deal with other people when you can’t even stand being by yourself for a period of time? When you don’t even know yourself? I know I may be striking some unfriendly chords here, but please stay with me. Personally, I’ve learnt how to get a little more deliberate and to savour the period of singleness. Paul said the unmarried get more time to do God’s work (1 Cor 7:34). And that’s true. You’re not worried about much when you’re single. You get to seek God and chase after His purpose for you. If you haven’t gotten anything from my thoughts here, remember singleness doesn’t equate loneliness. Not when you have God.
Recently I came to the knowledge of truth which I would like each and every one of you to come to. That truth is summed up in this verse:
So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority. Col 2:10
You are not complete in your partner, in your money, in your career, in your expansive wardrobe, talents or hobbies- you are complete in God. Only God can give the completeness we so desire. Please I’d advise you not to jump into relationships if you haven’t discovered yourself in God from a state of singleness. This doesn’t mean you can’t find yourself in God while in a relationship. But this is to emphasize the importance of the single days. Maximize those days. Find your identity in God and be complete in Him.
Marriage isn’t the coming together of two half individuals but two complete individuals. You are complete in Him. And when you are complete in Him, you won’t have to start draining your partner for a completeness he/she can’t give you. Think about why those past relationships didn’t work- maybe you expected them to give what they never had! I definitely can’t exhaust this in one post. Hopefully there would be a sequel. Thank you for reading!
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©Mfon Etuk, 2016