beauty from painAnguished. Numb. They say physical pain hurts, but I stand to say it doesn’t hurt as much as emotional pain. Heart throbbing and throat thickening pain. The pain that overwhelms you and leaves you shuddering beneath the sheets, watching as the tears fall like a waterfall. The pain that makes you wish you could just end it all. ‘Besides, the world will be just fine without you,’ the Devil whispers in your ears.

As a Christian, I know that I didn’t give myself life and I have no right to take it. But there are days such as this when I get so entangled in my mind’s web and I can’t find my way out. The jabbing pain numbs my very being. Feels like I’m losing it!

I know you may be wondering, ‘how did she get here?’ ‘How did the sweet peach girl turn all sour?’ :(: Oh my dear! I’m not sure. I enjoyed being by myself and slowly, the depression crept in, which I pampered as a baby till it became a full blown monster living in me. It didn’t take much to trigger it. I remember how I found it crazy whenever my mom would rebuke the spirit of depression in me. To me, it was just a normal ‘quiet’ mood that I nurtured with gloomy songs and poems. Like the sun, my smile sets and the gloom takes over. Clearly, it isn’t a harmless pet to keep, it’s a monster that is out to kill! Scary right? I should know!

Now I understand that the spirit of depression is a spirit of bondage. It steals your joy and peace and keeps you in a state of nothingness. A state where you’re but a walking dead going through life with no enthusiasm. Worse is when no one understands what’s going on. So you smile and wave like the Penguins of Madagascar so no one knows the monster you’re trying to hide.

So how can a broken person be writing to inspire others? Believe me, I wonder the same thing! The truth is, God’s ways are not our ways. He uses the weak things of the world to confound the strong (1 Cor 1:27).

God turned the very thing that could kill me into something that births life #MyTestimony

Out of my messed up mind he brought out messages! Out of the pain, came beauty. The poems I write in such low moments have been used in far reaching ways than I can imagine to bless lives, mine inclusive! Poems like Unspoken, Night before Light, Losing, Dark Nights, Dread, Can you hear me and Jekyll and Hyde were borne from pain. So the next time you read these poems, please read with understanding.

I am still learning to ‘rejoice always’ even when things get dark, I hold on to God’s word for illumination.

I’m a vessel in the potter’s hand, constantly molded into shape.

The process may seem really long, but beauty is sure. I still have relapses of depression. But I’m comforted because I know Jesus has won the victory!

So why am I telling you this? So you could shake your head in pity? Nah. We all face pain. Yours may not be a struggle with depression, it could be addictions, bitterness, insecurities, heartbreaks, sin or anything that leaves you broken. But if you think you’re completely whole, good for you! This, however is for the broken people like me who deal with pain. Too scared to admit we need help. But He knows we do. Surrender to Him in all honesty. Give him the fragments of your broken life and watch Him create a masterpiece!

There will be beauty from this pain! 

Thanks for staying to the end of this pretty long piece. Feel free to drop your thoughts in the comment section. God bless you! 🙂

©Mfon Etuk, 2016

***Song for the day- Beauty From Pain by Superchick***

 

25 thoughts on “Beauty From Pain”

  1. I think I have been through this rough patch, the depression, sadness, feeling of worthlessness, but that’s just the evil imaginations devil has employed to battle our minds, weaken us, break us. In the end he plans to now oppress us, don’t give in, fight with the spirit and you will survive.

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    1. Fight with the spirit, I like that part. Glad someone else relates to this. Its a real battlefield of the mind:) And with Christ, victory is sure! Thanks Sesan! Stay blessed!

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  2. Ok, mfon thanks so much for this your write ups.. It is a reminder that I’m not alone in challenges that come my way & that alone gives me strength
    Much Love

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  3. Thank you for being so honest, Mfon. ❤ You're a diamond! When I think of a diamond, I think of something that has been under a lot of pressure… but comes out absolutely beautiful. xo

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  4. 😃,

    “There’s nothing like small pain, it’s all pain.” – S.O

    Pain inspires, and sometimes what one is inspired to do inspires others.

    Pain inspires, we all experience it on this side.

    This is beautiful. 👍🏾

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  5. Great post; God can take our brokenness and turn it into something beautiful!
    Sorry to hear that things have been rough for you. I’ve been through times like this too. During sophomore year, it seemed that everything kept going wrong but eventually, it got better. I’ll keep you in my prayers. 🙏

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  6. Jesus this is powerful! As if you have taken a chapter out of my own world, I so relate and you know this by reading my blogs. I am so glad you kept it real by stating that you do suffer relapses from time to time with depression. I have been a sufferer for over 20 years and it has been nothing but the Grace of God that has bought me to this level of confidence in Him that I have now. All the crap I’ve been through, have discovered and faced, I should be in a mental hospital, BUT GOD! Keep turning that thing around for the good! God loves taking people like you and I (and others who can relate), dust us off, set us on high and show himself strong through our lives!!! HALLELUJAH!!!!

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  7. Yes!!! I totally think that some of the best things/times/thoughts in our lives, come from moments when we’re not so great. It’s just important to make sure the pain does not consume us. This is a beautiful piece, I was just nodding like a frog throughout!

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  8. Pingback: Beauty From Pain – The Dream

  10. It will be a difficult phase but not impossible. Trials and Tribulations are words we don’t like to hear. we all face them and they come to us in every walk of life. To you it can be emotional, to me it can be sin, to someone somewhere it is decision, to another it is habit, what to do, how to please people, taking the right step, while some have been choked up in the world of promiscuity. I read through your post on mother’s day where you mentioned those who didn’t feel the warmth of their mother’s but yet scale through the hurdles and thoughts that came along with it ‘BEAUTIFUL’,. The issue is not what we have gone through but how we despite the thorns on our path, we came out with this beautiful piece smiling. These things we are going through are actually what God wants us to share as our testimony. Paul actually had same difficult journey but in a different dimension and when He was sharing his testimony, people listened and in turn change for the better. There are many of us out there who have heard of the gospel but the gospel won’t be enough, they need such testimony my dear. they just need to hear that we were not born like this, we had various difficulties but those pain is now transformed into BEAUTY. I always love your sincerity in your post and thanks for making us share ours. ♥

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    1. God bless your dear heart! Amazing! Thank you for taking your time to point out this truth to us. I love how you use Bible references to bring it home. 🙂 Nice one Mike!

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  12. What a beautiful, heartfelt post, Dainty. Thank you for sharing your innermost thoughts with us. We are all held bondage to something and God has given you courage to step out in faith to help others through your messages. God bless you for taking the pain of this life and letting others know they are not alone.

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