Lately, I have been going through a lot of crappy things. I sleep with depression and dine with bitterness. Seems like I’ve lost all hope. Close friends are tired of hearing me whine over and over again about it. Every day I read some devotional about how Jesus can get us through the mess or pull us out of the pit- but for some weird reason I feel this isn’t for me. Not another motivational talk please. I’m tired and my mind is completely weary. No one can fully understand the depth of this. Many nights I’ve prayed for Him to come and take me home. Just end my despair please! But that still doesn’t work.
While listening to Joyce Meyer’s teaching yesterday, she said something like God may not change your situation but He will change you. I cringed at the sound of that. Yet another depressing pill to swallow. I and God have been a little distant lately. I mean, I’m going through a lot of crap which no one understands- I’m naïve enough to think God doesn’t really get me. Come on! He’s got the power to end it but chooses not to. I feel betrayed by that! 😦
If I had a kid that was being bullied at school, I’d probably take him out of that school. Can’t have my child crying all day, every day. But with God it’s different. He says stay in the school, I’ll strengthen you to withstand the bullies. I’ll build patience in you to deal with different types of people. I’ll walk with you through the valley of the shadow of death. I’ll be with through the waters, I’ll be with you through the rivers and through the fire (Isaiah 43:2) Gee! Why don’t we use the bridge instead of going through the waters? Why not use fire extinguishers to quench the fire so I could walk through?
I may not fully grasp these things. But I know I can’t keep pushing Him away anymore. Besides, it’s not like I have any alternative place to get solutions from. I only have Him. So I’m laying down my pride and the control reins. I know the situation may not change for a while, but (takes a very deep breath) I’m willing to let Him work the change in me. I know a lot of things in my life have to be burned off through the fire.
I’m not gonna lie and say the process won’t suck. Left to me, I’d rather skip it. But who do we become if we do not overcome challenges that come our way? Who do we become if we continue to avoid pain and displeasure? Not sure I want to find that out. However, I’m certain that the fire won’t consume me because He has promised it won’t. Just as gold has to be tried by the fire, so must we. But we’ll definitely come out more beautiful!
Besides, God is as realistic as any true friend can be; He doesn’t tell us life will be a bed of roses, He reminds us that the thorns are there to prick us back from our daydreams. It may not be literal waters, river and fire we’ll have to go through, but bad stuffs would happen, challenges will arise, tough situations will come. The question is; do you freak out? Sulk like me? Or turn to the one who promised to be with you through it all?
This post talks to me personally and I hope it also speaks to your heart. I pray for the grace to trust God especially in trying times. And that at the end of it all, we’ll share our testimonies together! Thank you for listening to my somewhat uncoordinated train of thoughts today 🙂 You guys are the best! God bless you! ❤ ❤ ❤
Oh please feel free to comment, I’d love to hear from you too!
©Mfon Etuk, 2016